JOKES

[The Happy Friar]

i can't tell what the picture of green is.  :/

[quadz]

Girl sunning herself on a jetty?

[Pr0c3550r]

Is there a way to snapshot it, enlarge and clarify ?

[Chocobo Joe]

Here's a partially funny one:

A girl around 15 years of age, raised by very liberal parents is asked by a guest "What do you want to be when you grow up?" She replies "President of the US." The guest asks her what her first move as president will be. She says that she will make a plan to give money to the homeless and unemployed. The guest says "Ok, so how about a give you a head start on that. There are a couple of bums living near my workplace. You can work for me, get your weekly pay, and give that money to them. How does that sound?" The girl replies "Why don't you just get the bums an easy job so they could earn some money?" And the guest says "Welcome to the conservatives!"

[quadz]

And the guest says "Welcome to the conservatives!"

And the girl replies, "But I'm gay and I thought I wasn't welcome in the conservatives."  And the guest says, "That's true, young lady. You chose to be gay, and you'll find yourself condemned to Hell unless you repent."  And the girl contemplates this for about seven tenths of a second and replies, ".... you're an idiot."



(Aren't stereotypes wonderful?)

[jägermonsta]

 

[quadz]

My point exactly.

[peewee_RotA]

And the girl replies, "But I'm gay and I thought I wasn't welcome in the conservatives."  And the guest says, "That's true, young lady. You chose to be gay, and you'll find yourself condemned to Hell unless you repent."  And the girl contemplates this for about seven tenths of a second and replies, ".... you're an idiot."

What's a matter? Buy a bad bag of grass?

  

[Pr0c3550r]

you guyz are crazy....lol

[quadz]

And then the space aliens attack and the girl is turned into queen of the Klaglionons.

What? It made just as much sense.

I suppose if the Klaglionons were revealed to be a society of elderly socialist homophobes, a shred of irony might be preserved...

But uh... Anyway, although apparently less obviously than I'd hoped, the two paragraphs are related in the following ways:

1. The first paragraph uses the girl's young age (15) to portray her views--and by extension her parents' views--as hopelessly naive.  The second paragraph pivots directly on the age vs. naivety issue by reversing it completely, with the observation that there are some issues about which a person of that age can posess a deeper understanding than any number of sanctimonious adults.

2. Broadly, both paragraphs use stereotyping and strawman arguments to make their point.

3. Your mama!  (...had a mammalian relationship with yo' daddy!)


Regards,

[peewee_RotA]

Damn i thought i edited that fast enough before anyone saw it.

Damn internet connection problems.

1) You really are keen on basing all your principals on desconstructionism.

2) It's just a joke?

3) 

[quadz]

1) You really are keen on basing all your principals on desconstructionism.

ALL YOUR
ARE BELONG TO US.

[ReCycled]

ONE LINERS

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Remember half the people you know are below average.
 
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

Change is inevitable ... except from vending machines.

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.
 

[The Happy Friar]

if you can't make a joke about a stereo type life would be borrrrrrring.  (plus, a 15 year old girl who talks like that isn't a stereo type of that age.  should of been a 24 year old grad student.  Woudl of been funnier).

one of my fave's from al lowe's site:

If World War II had been an online Real Time Strategy game, the chat room traffic would have gone something like this…

*Hitler[AoE] has joined the game.*

*Eisenhower has joined the game.*

*paTTon has joined the game.*

*Churchill has joined the game.*

*benny-tow has joined the game.*

*T0J0 has joined the game.*

*Roosevelt has joined the game.*

*Stalin has joined the game.*

*deGaulle has joined the game.*

Roosevelt: hey sup

T0J0: y0

Stalin: hi

Churchill: hi

Hitler[AoE]: cool, i start with panzer tanks!

paTTon: lol more like panzy tanks

T0JO: lol

Roosevelt: o this fockin sucks i got a depression!

benny-tow: haha america sux

Stalin: hey hitler you dont fight me i dont fight u, cool?

Hitler[AoE]; sure whatever

Stalin: cool

deGaulle: **** Hitler rushed some1 help

Hitler[AoE]: lol byebye frenchy

Roosevelt: i dont got **** to help, sry

Churchill: wtf the luftwaffle is attacking me

Roosevelt: get antiair guns

Churchill: i cant afford them

benny-tow: u n00bs know what team talk is?

paTTon: stfu

Roosevelt: o yah hit the navajo button guys

deGaulle: eisenhower ur

worthless come help me quick

Eisenhower: i cant do **** til rosevelt gives me an army

paTTon: yah hurry the fock up

Churchill: d00d im getting pounded

deGaulle: this is fockin weak u guys suck

*deGaulle has left the game.*

Roosevelt: im gonna attack the axis k?

benny-tow: with what? Ur wheelchair?

benny-tow: lol did u mess up ur legs AND ur head?

Hitler[AoE]: ROFLMAO

T0J0: lol o no america im comin 4 u

Roosevelt: wtf! thats bullsh1t u fags im gunna kick ur asses

T0JO: not without ur harbors u wont! lol

Roosevelt: u little biotch ill get u

Hitler[AoE]: wtf

Hitler[AoE]: america hax, u had depression and now u got a huge fockin army

Hitler[AoE]: thats bullsh1t u hacker

Churchill: lol no more france for u hitler

Hitler[AoE]: tojo help me!

T0J0: wtf u want me to do, im on the other side of the world retard

Hitler[AoE]: fine ill clear you a path

Stalin: WTF u arsshoel! WE HAD A FoCKIN TRUCE

Hitler[AoE]: i changed my mind lol

benny-tow: haha

benny-tow: hey ur losing ur guys in africa im gonna need help in italy soon sum1

T0J0: o **** i cant help u i got my hands full

Hitler[AoE]: im 2 busy 2 help

Roosevelt: yah thats right ***** im comin for ya

Stalin: church help me

Churchill: like u helped me before? sure ill just sit here

Stalin: dont be an arss

Churchill: dont be a commie. oops too late

Eisenhower: LOL

benny-tow: hahahh oh sh1t help

Hitler: o man ur focked

paTTon: oh what now biotch

Roosevelt: whos the cripple now lol

*benny-tow has been eliminated.*

benny-tow: lame

Roosevelt: gj patton

paTTon: thnx

Hitler[AoE]: WTF eisenhower hax hes killing all my sh1t

Hitler[AoE]: quit u hacker so u dont ruin my record

Eisenhower: Nuts!

benny-tow: wtf that mean?

Eisenhower: meant to say nutsack lol finger slipped

paTTon: coming to get u hitler u paper hanging hun cocksocker

Stalin: rofl

T0J0: HAHAHHAA

Hitler[AoE]: u guys are fockin gay

Hitler[AoE]: ur never getting in my city

*Hitler[AoE] has been eliminated.*

benny-tow: OMG u noob you killed yourself

Eisenhower: ROFLOLOLOL

Stalin: OMG LMAO!

Hitler[AoE]: WTF i didnt click there omg this game blows

*Hitler[AoE] has left the game*

paTTon: hahahhah

T0J0: WTF my teammates are n00bs

benny-tow: shut up noob

Roosevelt: haha wut a moron

paTTon: wtf am i gunna do now?

Eisenhower: yah me too

T0J0: why dont u attack me o thats right u dont got no ships lololol

Eisenhower: fock u

paTTon: lemme go thru ur base commie

Stalin: go to hell lol

paTTon: fock this sh1t im goin afk

Eisenhower: yah this is gay

*Roosevelt has left the game.*

Hitler[AoE]: wtf?

Eisenhower: sh1t now we need some1 to join

*tru_m4n has joined the game.*

tru_m4n: hi all

T0J0: hey

Stalin: sup

Churchill: hi

tru_m4n: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff!

tru_m4n: NUKES! HOLY **** I GOT NUKES

Stalin: d00d gimmie some plz

tru_m4n: no way i only got like a couple

Stalin: omg dont be gay gimmie nuculer secrets

T0J0: wtf is nukes?

T0J0: holy ****holy****hoyl****!

*T0J0 has been eliminated.*

*The Allied team has won the game!*

Eisenhower: awesome!

Churchill: gg noobs no re

T0J0: that’s bull**** u fockin suck

*T0J0 has left the game.*

*Eisenhower has left the game.*

Stalin: next game im not going to be on ur team, u guys didnt help me for ****

Churchill: wutever, we didnt need ur help neway dumbarss

tru_m4n: l8r all

benny-tow: bye

Churchill: l8r

Stalin: fock u all

tru_m4n: shut up commie lol

*tru_m4n has left the game.*

benny-tow: lololol u commie

Churchill: ROFL

Churchill: bye commie

*Churchill has left the game.*

*benny-tow has left the game.*

Stalin: i hate u all fags

*Stalin has left the game.*

paTTon: lol no1 is left

paTTon: weeeee i got a jeep

*paTTon has been eliminated.*

paTTon: o sh1t!

*paTTon has left the game.*

[QwazyWabbit]

[snip]
3. Your mama!  (...had a mammalian relationship with yo' daddy!)

Sexual reproduction is not exclusive to mammals. All vertebrates reproduce sexually, not just mammals. Aquatic species do it in proximity but not necessarily in physical contact. Insects usually do it back-to-back, or more accurately, tail-to-tail, often in flight - therefore leading to the inevitable "I don't give a flying fuck." usually enunciated by the vertebrate mammal, homo sapiens who cannot fly (unassisted) when he/she fucks.

The correct vernacular for "Yo' mamma" should be "Yo'mamma had a heterozygous relationship with yo'daddy and you are the product." Headline news: "Natural selection proven false, film at eleven."