Author Topic: JOKES  (Read 74551 times)

Offline Daemia

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this is a good one!!!
« Reply #105 on: June 23, 2008, 09:54:51 PM »
another women vs men joke  :D
 
A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike
English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.

''Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.

'A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two
groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves
whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the
feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1 No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2.The native language they use to communicate with other computers
is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3.Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for
possible later retrieval; and

4.As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself
spending half your pa ycheck on accessories for it.


The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be

Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1.In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2.They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3.They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time
they ARE the problem; and

4.As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a
little longer, you could have gotten a better model.


The women won.
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Offline jägermonsta

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #106 on: June 24, 2008, 05:59:20 AM »
wash the dishes.
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Offline Pr0c3550r

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #107 on: June 24, 2008, 06:42:48 AM »
Just get on the spawn pad and stfu.
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Offline Daemia

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #108 on: June 24, 2008, 01:07:22 PM »
Just get on the spawn pad and stfu.

HAHA G1.  I had to read that about 4 times before something in my brain clicked and i understood it  :dohdohdoh:
« Last Edit: June 24, 2008, 01:08:56 PM by Daemia »
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Offline |iR|Focalor

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #109 on: June 25, 2008, 12:00:16 AM »
wash the dishes.

That's what a dishwasher is for. If she were to spend her time washing the dishes, it would take away from the time she COULD be kneeling in front of my couch acting as my human ottoman.

I once heard a comedian say, "Women are pretty useless to me, even for sex. They aren't very good at it. The only reason I have sex is just so that I'll have a memory to jerk off to later."  :D
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Offline Daemia

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #110 on: June 25, 2008, 08:57:08 AM »

I once heard a comedian say, "Women are pretty useless to me, even for sex. They aren't very good at it. The only reason I have sex is just so that I'll have a memory to jerk off to later."  :D

   that guy must be

I'm laughing pretty good at this attempted display of male chauvinism because its quite clear my joke got to ya'll hahaha
« Last Edit: June 25, 2008, 09:09:02 AM by Daemia »
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Offline jägermonsta

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #111 on: June 25, 2008, 09:33:17 AM »
your joke? what joke?
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Offline The Happy Friar

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #112 on: June 25, 2008, 11:01:39 AM »
i would of assumed the men won because even though you only want the computer to do one thing correctly it insists on multitasking & f'ing up everything.   :frag:
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Offline peewee_RotA

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #113 on: June 25, 2008, 03:31:47 PM »
One day 3 old golf buddies meet up for a game. They have not seen eachother in a few years and begin talking about their famalies. Once they get on the course, one of them remembers that he left his lights on and starts the trip back. As they are waiting, the 2 men discuss how well their oldest sons are doing.

The first man says "My son is very succesful. He's only been out of lawschool for a few years and he's about to make partner at the best law firm in town. He's got so much extra spending cash that he bought 2 new mustang convertables. One for himself and one for his friend."

The second man says "My son is doing very well too. He's very successful in real estate. He just made so much money on his last deal that he was able to give a friend of his a new house."

Just then the last man finally gets back to the tee. They tell him what their talking about and ask him how his oldest is doing. He replies "Well I'm not sure. See he just told me last week that he was gay. But I guess he's doing alright because his last two boyfriends gave him a convertable and a new house."
« Last Edit: June 25, 2008, 03:33:56 PM by peewee_RotA »
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Offline Waffle Whiffer

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #114 on: July 30, 2008, 12:21:57 PM »

Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?


Because if they flew over the bay they’d be baygulls.  :lolsign:  :lolsign:  :lolsign:
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Offline playboy

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #115 on: September 12, 2008, 07:00:00 PM »
as gay as that one was, i laughed
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Offline GYN

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #116 on: September 12, 2008, 11:37:15 PM »
::sex/chauvinism/standups::

I saw a comedian at the Tampa Improv who gave me a mild laugh: "Dating's so hard now...I mean I met this girl recently and I find out she's against premarital sex! So I tell her 'Don't worry honey, I don't plan on marrying ya!' It's just called FUCKING!"
 :nana:
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Offline ReCycled

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #117 on: September 13, 2008, 08:16:00 AM »
A New York family bought a ranch out West where they intended to raise cattle. Friends visited and asked if the ranch had a name.
"Well," said the would-be cattleman, "I wanted to name it the Bar-J. My wife favored Suzy-Q, one son like the Flying-W, and the other wanted the Lazy-Y.
So we're calling it the Bar-J-Suzy-Q-Flying-W-Lazy-Y."
"But where are all your cattle?" the friends asked.
"None survived the branding."
 :erhmmm:
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Offline playboy

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #118 on: September 14, 2008, 10:14:15 PM »
just wanted to say to recycled...great movie in your signature   :bravo:
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Offline Pr0c3550r

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #119 on: September 15, 2008, 05:31:43 AM »
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Admin

August 03, 2020, 11:49:52 PM
THIS SUNDAY !

9 AM PACIFIC / 12 PM EASTERN / 5 PM CET
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(GOTO TS500)
 

NoBugsOnMe

August 03, 2020, 11:10:39 PM

Punk_FAS

August 03, 2020, 11:58:12 AM
Nice. I didn't know there was such a thread. Thanks :)
 

quadz

August 03, 2020, 11:37:31 AM
Shoutbox isn't the place for rehashing this. Here's the thread about DM server spawn farthest from 2006/2007:

http://forum.tastyspleen.net/quake/index.php?topic=2932.0

Punk_FAS

August 03, 2020, 11:21:37 AM
but that's *NOT what the DM server is supposed to cater to

Punk_FAS

August 03, 2020, 11:21:09 AM
It's not ideal for 1v1 situations, but that's what the DM server is supposed to cater to. Also, there are 7 other maps besides DM4 (actually 8 for the automatic mymap map between dm8 and dm1). I think there are more positives than negatives.

Punk_FAS

August 03, 2020, 11:20:06 AM
It happens to better players too. I know I've been in first, or second place, only to die and spawn right next to the other leading player multiple times in a row, and having to dodge rockets in a narrow corridor without any weapons myself (other than blaster).

It's not the best for 1v1 situation

Punk_FAS

August 03, 2020, 11:17:56 AM
I saw a clearly-new player earlier, and it spawned him like 3 or 4 times in a row right next to a better player. Instant death each time they spawned. I imagine that can be discouraging and frustrating, particularly when someone is trying to get a handle on the game. Spawn farthest would avoid this.
 

quadz

August 03, 2020, 10:29:41 AM
Might be interesting to code a hybrid spawn function that doesn't focus on "farthest" so much as avoiding the few most congested spawn points?
 

quadz

August 03, 2020, 10:26:44 AM
We'd tried spawn farthest many moons ago, but it seemed a net negative overall. At least for larger maps like q2dm4, where one tends to get spawned furthest from all the action.

In any case, we have a 1-second spawn protect shield, and it has been suggested if THAT isn't good enough, one might consider transitioning to Minesweeper or Candy Crush. ;)

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