Author Topic: JOKES  (Read 77375 times)

Offline The Dreaming Dragon

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #225 on: March 05, 2011, 01:38:51 AM »
Two couples were playing cards. Jeff accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Dave's wife, Sandy, was not wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, Jeff hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later when Jeff went to the kitchen to get some refreshments Sandy followed him and asked, "Did you see anything under the table that you liked?" Jeff admitted, "Well, yes I did." She said "you can have it, but it will cost you $100." After a minute or two, Jeff indicates that he is interested. She tells him that since Dave works Friday afternoons and Jeff doesn't, that Jeff should come to their house around 2:00 PM on Friday.

Friday came and Jeff went to her house at 2:00 PM. After paying her the $100, they went to the bedroom, had sex for a few hours and then Jeff left.

Dave came home about 6:00 PM and asked his wife, "Did Jeff come by this afternoon?" Totally shocked, Sandy replied, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes." Next Dave asked, "Did Jeff give you $100?"

Sandy thought, 'Oh hell, he knows!' reluctantly she said, "Yes, he did give me $100."

"Good," Dave says. "Jeff came by the office this morning and borrowed the $100 from me and said that he'd stop by our house on his way home and pay me back. It's so good to have a friend you can trust."

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Offline |iR|Focalor

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #226 on: March 05, 2011, 09:58:00 AM »
 :lolsign: I love it!
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Offline BIG DICK RICK

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #227 on: March 05, 2011, 11:54:33 AM »
ahahahha TMF,  :rockon: :rockon: :rockon: :busted: :yessign:
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Offline soh

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #228 on: March 05, 2011, 12:15:26 PM »
It doesn't say anywhere here that she was hot :|
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Offline astral

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #229 on: March 29, 2011, 11:42:28 AM »
Why Italians can't be paramedics.... :lolsign:

Vinny and Sal are out in the woods hunting when suddenly, Sal grabs his
chest and falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be
breathing;  his eyes are rolled back in his head.
 
Vinny whips out his cell phone and calls 911.. He gasps to the operator,
"I think Sal is dead! What should I do?"
 
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy and
follow my instructions. First, let's make sure he's dead."
 
There is a silence .. and then a shot is heard.
 
Vinny's voice comes back on the line,
 
 
"Okay.. . now what ?"

 :bravo:
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Offline peewee_RotA

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #230 on: March 29, 2011, 05:25:29 PM »
Saw something awful the other day:

A hypno-therapist had hypnotized 7 guys on stage. As soon as they all went under and he was ready to give them instructions, he dropped the microphone on his foot. In pain he yelped "F*** ME!"




what happened next will haunt me forever.   :ubershock:
« Last Edit: March 29, 2011, 07:35:23 PM by peewee_RotA »
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Offline astral

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #231 on: March 29, 2011, 06:09:06 PM »
Saw something awful the other day:

A hypno-therapist had hypnotized 7 guys on stage. As soon as they all went under and he was ready to give them instructions, he dropped microphone on his foot. In pain he yelped "F*** ME!"




what happened next will haunt me forever.   :ubershock:

 :bravo: :yessign: :lolsign:
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Offline Sgt. Dick

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #232 on: March 29, 2011, 06:41:52 PM »
He probably felt like what your avatar says - "Fire in the hole"
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Offline Krlll Mule

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #233 on: March 29, 2011, 09:41:32 PM »
Two ducks are in a bathtub.  One says to the other "pass me the soap".

The other duck replies "what do think I am - a typewriter?" !!!!


da bomp...ching///


If you don't think this joke works, try it on or teach it to a kid and see what happens.    :nana:   :bananaw00t:
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Offline Sgt. Dick

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #234 on: April 07, 2011, 01:59:15 PM »
A couple had been married for 50 years.
 
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.
 
I know, the old man said.  We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago..

Well, Granny snickered.  Let's relive some old times.

Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

You know, honey, the little old lady breathlessly replied, My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.

I wouldn't be surprised, replied Gramps.   

One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal.
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Offline Sgt. Dick

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #235 on: April 07, 2011, 02:01:24 PM »
One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm.  The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh..

The husband, rejected, turns over.

A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.

Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?
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Offline Sgt. Dick

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #236 on: April 07, 2011, 02:06:36 PM »
Bill worked in a pickle factory.
   
He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.
   
His wife suggested that he should see a sex  therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed.  He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.

What's wrong, Bill?' she asked.

Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?

Oh, Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed.

Yes, I did.  he replied.

My God, Bill, what happened?

I got fired.

No, Bill.  I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?

Oh...she got fired too.
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Offline Th0m@s29

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #237 on: April 17, 2011, 08:58:57 PM »
OP made me lolz.
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Offline adz1La

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #238 on: April 18, 2011, 01:39:05 AM »
quadz has blue hair.
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Offline [BTF]Sigma

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #239 on: April 20, 2011, 10:02:10 AM »
Dear Children. If you are thinking of doing a school shooting, don't. but if you insist on it, at least have the decency to change your music library to Justin Bieber, Britney Spears, and Rebecca Black, get rid of your video games and buy every Twilight movie, poster, and book you can find. Thank you. (ps, wear a Harper 2011 t-shirt while you do it.
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