Author Topic: JOKES  (Read 59634 times)

Offline peewee_RotA

  • Brobdingnagian Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4147
  • Hi, I'm from the gov'ment and I'm here to help you
    • View Profile
  • Rated:
Re: JOKES
« Reply #135 on: September 17, 2008, 02:29:46 AM »
ALL YOUR...
ARE BELONG TO US.

 :lolsign:

you win
  • Insightful
    Informative
    Funny
    Nice Job / Good Work
    Rock On
    Flawless Logic
    Well-Reasoned Argument and/or Conclusion
    Demonstrates Exceptional Knowlege of the Game
    Appears Not to Comprehend Game Fundamentals
    Frag of the Week
    Frag Hall of Fame
    Jump of the Week
    Jump Hall of Fame
    Best Solution
    Wins The Internet
    Whoosh! You done missed the joke thar Cletus!
    Obvious Troll Is Obvious
    DO YOU EVEN LIFT?
    DEMO OR STFU
    Offtopic
    Flamebait
    Redundant
    Factually Challenged
    Preposterously Irrational Arguments
    Blindingly Obvious Logical Fallacies
    Absurd Misconstrual of Scientific Principles or Evidence
    Amazing Conspiracy Theory Bro
    Racist Ignoramus
GOTO ROTAMODS (rocketgib)
GOTO ROTAMAPS (fireworks)
HappyFriar- q2server.fuzzylogicinc.com
 Tune in to the Tastycast!!!!  http://dna.zeliepa.net

Offline Pr0c3550r

  • Swanky Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 643
  • Founder [EoM]
    • View Profile
    • Entourage of Murder
  • Rated:
Re: JOKES
« Reply #136 on: September 17, 2008, 03:56:55 PM »
[snip]
3. Your mama!  (...had a mammalian relationship with yo' daddy!)


Sexual reproduction is not exclusive to mammals. All vertebrates reproduce sexually, not just mammals. Aquatic species do it in proximity but not necessarily in physical contact. Insects usually do it back-to-back, or more accurately, tail-to-tail, often in flight - therefore leading to the inevitable "I don't give a flying fuck." usually enunciated by the vertebrate mammal, homo sapiens who cannot fly (unassisted) when he/she fucks.

The correct vernacular for "Yo' mamma" should be "Yo'mamma had a heterozygous relationship with yo'daddy and you are the product." Headline news: "Natural selection proven false, film at eleven."

 :nana:

ah, someone that seems to know what they are talking about.
  • Insightful
    Informative
    Funny
    Nice Job / Good Work
    Rock On
    Flawless Logic
    Well-Reasoned Argument and/or Conclusion
    Demonstrates Exceptional Knowlege of the Game
    Appears Not to Comprehend Game Fundamentals
    Frag of the Week
    Frag Hall of Fame
    Jump of the Week
    Jump Hall of Fame
    Best Solution
    Wins The Internet
    Whoosh! You done missed the joke thar Cletus!
    Obvious Troll Is Obvious
    DO YOU EVEN LIFT?
    DEMO OR STFU
    Offtopic
    Flamebait
    Redundant
    Factually Challenged
    Preposterously Irrational Arguments
    Blindingly Obvious Logical Fallacies
    Absurd Misconstrual of Scientific Principles or Evidence
    Amazing Conspiracy Theory Bro
    Racist Ignoramus

Offline [BTF]EyEsTrAiN

  • Swanky Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 602
  • Fragtastical
    • View Profile
  • Rated:
Re: JOKES
« Reply #137 on: September 23, 2008, 09:47:08 AM »
Two jokes for you guys.

This one was stolen from Zena's bulletin on myspace:

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs.

The guy says aloud, "Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"

The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy crap," the guy replies.
"You actually understood and answered me!"

"I got every word," says the parrot.
"I happen to be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird."

"Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"

"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."

"Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English can't you?"
"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can be a great companion."

The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that."

"Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20; just make the guy an offer!"

The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.

Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.

One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, "Psssssssssssst," and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the UPS man..."

"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.

"When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie."

"WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously... "THEN what happened?"

"Well, then the UPS man came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over," reported the parrot.

"NO!" he exclaims.
"And she let him?"

"Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over..."

Then the frantic guy demands, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"

"Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This one was told to me by a drunk friend of mine:

A guy is walking down the street and he sees a sign outside of this bar. The sign reads: "Make the horse laugh, get free drinks all night." So, the guy walks in, goes up to the bartender and asks to see the horse. The bartender walks to a small curtain and pulls it back to reveal a horse standing there.
The guy says, "Alright, give me a couple minutes and I'll make that horse laugh."
The guy goes inside and pulls the curtain closed. A few minutes go by and out comes the guy again, pulls the curtain open and there is the horse just laughing its ass off. The bartender looks a little puzzled, but keeps to his word and gives the man free drinks for the rest of the night.

A week or so goes by, the same guy walks by the bar and sees the sign now reads: "Make the horse cry, get free drinks all night." So, once again, the guy walks in, goes up to the bartender and says, "Hey, remember me? I'm here to make your horse cry now." They walk over to the curtain again, pulls it back, and there is the same horse standing there. The guy says, "Alright, give me a few minutes," and pulls the curtain closed. Sure enough, a few minutes go by, the guy comes back out pulling the curtain and there is the horse, just bawling its eyes out. The bartender is stunned, but keeps to his word and starts pouring the man drinks.

After he's gotten a few in him, the bartender finally asks, "Ok. I HAVE to know how in the hell did you make the horse laugh and cry?"

The man looks at him with a smile and says, "Well, the first time I told the horse my dick was bigger than his, the second time, I showed him."
« Last Edit: September 23, 2008, 09:50:26 AM by [BTF]EyEsTrAiN »
  • Insightful
    Informative
    Funny
    Nice Job / Good Work
    Rock On
    Flawless Logic
    Well-Reasoned Argument and/or Conclusion
    Demonstrates Exceptional Knowlege of the Game
    Appears Not to Comprehend Game Fundamentals
    Frag of the Week
    Frag Hall of Fame
    Jump of the Week
    Jump Hall of Fame
    Best Solution
    Wins The Internet
    Whoosh! You done missed the joke thar Cletus!
    Obvious Troll Is Obvious
    DO YOU EVEN LIFT?
    DEMO OR STFU
    Offtopic
    Flamebait
    Redundant
    Factually Challenged
    Preposterously Irrational Arguments
    Blindingly Obvious Logical Fallacies
    Absurd Misconstrual of Scientific Principles or Evidence
    Amazing Conspiracy Theory Bro
    Racist Ignoramus
"All life begins with Nu and ends with Nu. This is the truth! This is my belief!...At least for now."
    — "The Mystery of Life," vol. 841, chapter 26

Offline |iR|Focalor

  • Irrepressibly Profuse Member
  • *
  • Posts: 13085
  • OFFO
    • View Profile
    • Focalor's Lair @ Tastyspleen.net
  • Rated:
Re: JOKES
« Reply #138 on: October 09, 2008, 10:48:16 AM »
A professor is teaching his biology students about the fructose content of human semen. A blonde female student raises her hand and asks the question, "Since fructose is a sugar, why doesn't sperm taste sweet?" The whole class begins laughing hysterically. Embarassed, she gets up and runs towards the door. Before she gets out the door, the professor answers, "Because your taste buds are on your tongue, not the back of your throat, my dear."
  • Insightful
    Informative
    Funny
    Nice Job / Good Work
    Rock On
    Flawless Logic
    Well-Reasoned Argument and/or Conclusion
    Demonstrates Exceptional Knowlege of the Game
    Appears Not to Comprehend Game Fundamentals
    Frag of the Week
    Frag Hall of Fame
    Jump of the Week
    Jump Hall of Fame
    Best Solution
    Wins The Internet
    Whoosh! You done missed the joke thar Cletus!
    Obvious Troll Is Obvious
    DO YOU EVEN LIFT?
    DEMO OR STFU
    Offtopic
    Flamebait
    Redundant
    Factually Challenged
    Preposterously Irrational Arguments
    Blindingly Obvious Logical Fallacies
    Absurd Misconstrual of Scientific Principles or Evidence
    Amazing Conspiracy Theory Bro
    Racist Ignoramus

Offline [BTF]Zena

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 3
    • View Profile
  • Rated:
Re: JOKES
« Reply #139 on: October 09, 2008, 12:18:33 PM »
 :lolsign:
  • Insightful
    Informative
    Funny
    Nice Job / Good Work
    Rock On
    Flawless Logic
    Well-Reasoned Argument and/or Conclusion
    Demonstrates Exceptional Knowlege of the Game
    Appears Not to Comprehend Game Fundamentals
    Frag of the Week
    Frag Hall of Fame
    Jump of the Week
    Jump Hall of Fame
    Best Solution
    Wins The Internet
    Whoosh! You done missed the joke thar Cletus!
    Obvious Troll Is Obvious
    DO YOU EVEN LIFT?
    DEMO OR STFU
    Offtopic
    Flamebait
    Redundant
    Factually Challenged
    Preposterously Irrational Arguments
    Blindingly Obvious Logical Fallacies
    Absurd Misconstrual of Scientific Principles or Evidence
    Amazing Conspiracy Theory Bro
    Racist Ignoramus

Offline [BTF]Sigma

  • Phenomenally Prodigious Member
  • **
  • Posts: 3059
    • View Profile
  • Rated:
Re: JOKES
« Reply #140 on: October 09, 2008, 05:38:26 PM »
Ha!!!

That's awesome.
  • Insightful
    Informative
    Funny
    Nice Job / Good Work
    Rock On
    Flawless Logic
    Well-Reasoned Argument and/or Conclusion
    Demonstrates Exceptional Knowlege of the Game
    Appears Not to Comprehend Game Fundamentals
    Frag of the Week
    Frag Hall of Fame
    Jump of the Week
    Jump Hall of Fame
    Best Solution
    Wins The Internet
    Whoosh! You done missed the joke thar Cletus!
    Obvious Troll Is Obvious
    DO YOU EVEN LIFT?
    DEMO OR STFU
    Offtopic
    Flamebait
    Redundant
    Factually Challenged
    Preposterously Irrational Arguments
    Blindingly Obvious Logical Fallacies
    Absurd Misconstrual of Scientific Principles or Evidence
    Amazing Conspiracy Theory Bro
    Racist Ignoramus

Offline console

  • Brobdingnagian Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4518
  • "Man, this is the way to travel," said my attorney
    • View Profile
    • tastyspleen.net
  • Rated:
Re: JOKES
« Reply #141 on: October 10, 2008, 04:12:07 AM »

  • Insightful
    Informative
    Funny
    Nice Job / Good Work
    Rock On
    Flawless Logic
    Well-Reasoned Argument and/or Conclusion
    Demonstrates Exceptional Knowlege of the Game
    Appears Not to Comprehend Game Fundamentals
    Frag of the Week
    Frag Hall of Fame
    Jump of the Week
    Jump Hall of Fame
    Best Solution
    Wins The Internet
    Whoosh! You done missed the joke thar Cletus!
    Obvious Troll Is Obvious
    DO YOU EVEN LIFT?
    DEMO OR STFU
    Offtopic
    Flamebait
    Redundant
    Factually Challenged
    Preposterously Irrational Arguments
    Blindingly Obvious Logical Fallacies
    Absurd Misconstrual of Scientific Principles or Evidence
    Amazing Conspiracy Theory Bro
    Racist Ignoramus

Offline ReCycled

  • Carpal Tunnel Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 1690
    • View Profile
  • Rated:
Re: JOKES
« Reply #142 on: October 10, 2008, 04:30:27 PM »
...
  • Insightful
    Informative
    Funny
    Nice Job / Good Work
    Rock On
    Flawless Logic
    Well-Reasoned Argument and/or Conclusion
    Demonstrates Exceptional Knowlege of the Game
    Appears Not to Comprehend Game Fundamentals
    Frag of the Week
    Frag Hall of Fame
    Jump of the Week
    Jump Hall of Fame
    Best Solution
    Wins The Internet
    Whoosh! You done missed the joke thar Cletus!
    Obvious Troll Is Obvious
    DO YOU EVEN LIFT?
    DEMO OR STFU
    Offtopic
    Flamebait
    Redundant
    Factually Challenged
    Preposterously Irrational Arguments
    Blindingly Obvious Logical Fallacies
    Absurd Misconstrual of Scientific Principles or Evidence
    Amazing Conspiracy Theory Bro
    Racist Ignoramus
“It is hard to make predictions, especially about the future.” – Yogi Berra

Offline [BTF]Sigma

  • Phenomenally Prodigious Member
  • **
  • Posts: 3059
    • View Profile
  • Rated:
Re: JOKES
« Reply #143 on: October 10, 2008, 08:53:07 PM »
Best in 3s
  • Insightful
    Informative
    Funny
    Nice Job / Good Work
    Rock On
    Flawless Logic
    Well-Reasoned Argument and/or Conclusion
    Demonstrates Exceptional Knowlege of the Game
    Appears Not to Comprehend Game Fundamentals
    Frag of the Week
    Frag Hall of Fame
    Jump of the Week
    Jump Hall of Fame
    Best Solution
    Wins The Internet
    Whoosh! You done missed the joke thar Cletus!
    Obvious Troll Is Obvious
    DO YOU EVEN LIFT?
    DEMO OR STFU
    Offtopic
    Flamebait
    Redundant
    Factually Challenged
    Preposterously Irrational Arguments
    Blindingly Obvious Logical Fallacies
    Absurd Misconstrual of Scientific Principles or Evidence
    Amazing Conspiracy Theory Bro
    Racist Ignoramus

myamagical

  • Guest
Re: JOKES
« Reply #144 on: October 11, 2008, 03:23:41 AM »
  • Insightful
    Informative
    Funny
    Nice Job / Good Work
    Rock On
    Flawless Logic
    Well-Reasoned Argument and/or Conclusion
    Demonstrates Exceptional Knowlege of the Game
    Appears Not to Comprehend Game Fundamentals
    Frag of the Week
    Frag Hall of Fame
    Jump of the Week
    Jump Hall of Fame
    Best Solution
    Wins The Internet
    Whoosh! You done missed the joke thar Cletus!
    Obvious Troll Is Obvious
    DO YOU EVEN LIFT?
    DEMO OR STFU
    Offtopic
    Flamebait
    Redundant
    Factually Challenged
    Preposterously Irrational Arguments
    Blindingly Obvious Logical Fallacies
    Absurd Misconstrual of Scientific Principles or Evidence
    Amazing Conspiracy Theory Bro
    Racist Ignoramus

Offline [BTF]Sigma

  • Phenomenally Prodigious Member
  • **
  • Posts: 3059
    • View Profile
  • Rated:
Re: JOKES
« Reply #145 on: October 11, 2008, 07:29:39 AM »
Ah sorority Pillow Fights.



*sorry where were we now?
  • Insightful
    Informative
    Funny
    Nice Job / Good Work
    Rock On
    Flawless Logic
    Well-Reasoned Argument and/or Conclusion
    Demonstrates Exceptional Knowlege of the Game
    Appears Not to Comprehend Game Fundamentals
    Frag of the Week
    Frag Hall of Fame
    Jump of the Week
    Jump Hall of Fame
    Best Solution
    Wins The Internet
    Whoosh! You done missed the joke thar Cletus!
    Obvious Troll Is Obvious
    DO YOU EVEN LIFT?
    DEMO OR STFU
    Offtopic
    Flamebait
    Redundant
    Factually Challenged
    Preposterously Irrational Arguments
    Blindingly Obvious Logical Fallacies
    Absurd Misconstrual of Scientific Principles or Evidence
    Amazing Conspiracy Theory Bro
    Racist Ignoramus

myamagical

  • Guest
Re: JOKES
« Reply #146 on: October 11, 2008, 02:26:26 PM »
^ Story of my life.. haha

Everytime we tell someone we're off to do secret fun stuff with our sorority, we tell them we have naked pillow fights. :P
  • Insightful
    Informative
    Funny
    Nice Job / Good Work
    Rock On
    Flawless Logic
    Well-Reasoned Argument and/or Conclusion
    Demonstrates Exceptional Knowlege of the Game
    Appears Not to Comprehend Game Fundamentals
    Frag of the Week
    Frag Hall of Fame
    Jump of the Week
    Jump Hall of Fame
    Best Solution
    Wins The Internet
    Whoosh! You done missed the joke thar Cletus!
    Obvious Troll Is Obvious
    DO YOU EVEN LIFT?
    DEMO OR STFU
    Offtopic
    Flamebait
    Redundant
    Factually Challenged
    Preposterously Irrational Arguments
    Blindingly Obvious Logical Fallacies
    Absurd Misconstrual of Scientific Principles or Evidence
    Amazing Conspiracy Theory Bro
    Racist Ignoramus

Offline Pr0c3550r

  • Swanky Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 643
  • Founder [EoM]
    • View Profile
    • Entourage of Murder
  • Rated:
Re: JOKES
« Reply #147 on: October 11, 2008, 03:53:58 PM »
Addy ?
  • Insightful
    Informative
    Funny
    Nice Job / Good Work
    Rock On
    Flawless Logic
    Well-Reasoned Argument and/or Conclusion
    Demonstrates Exceptional Knowlege of the Game
    Appears Not to Comprehend Game Fundamentals
    Frag of the Week
    Frag Hall of Fame
    Jump of the Week
    Jump Hall of Fame
    Best Solution
    Wins The Internet
    Whoosh! You done missed the joke thar Cletus!
    Obvious Troll Is Obvious
    DO YOU EVEN LIFT?
    DEMO OR STFU
    Offtopic
    Flamebait
    Redundant
    Factually Challenged
    Preposterously Irrational Arguments
    Blindingly Obvious Logical Fallacies
    Absurd Misconstrual of Scientific Principles or Evidence
    Amazing Conspiracy Theory Bro
    Racist Ignoramus

Offline |iR|Focalor

  • Irrepressibly Profuse Member
  • *
  • Posts: 13085
  • OFFO
    • View Profile
    • Focalor's Lair @ Tastyspleen.net
  • Rated:
Re: JOKES
« Reply #148 on: October 11, 2008, 05:32:53 PM »
^ Story of my life.. haha

Everytime we tell someone we're off to do secret fun stuff with our sorority, we tell them we have naked pillow fights. :P

Women. They are so cruel.  :D
  • Insightful
    Informative
    Funny
    Nice Job / Good Work
    Rock On
    Flawless Logic
    Well-Reasoned Argument and/or Conclusion
    Demonstrates Exceptional Knowlege of the Game
    Appears Not to Comprehend Game Fundamentals
    Frag of the Week
    Frag Hall of Fame
    Jump of the Week
    Jump Hall of Fame
    Best Solution
    Wins The Internet
    Whoosh! You done missed the joke thar Cletus!
    Obvious Troll Is Obvious
    DO YOU EVEN LIFT?
    DEMO OR STFU
    Offtopic
    Flamebait
    Redundant
    Factually Challenged
    Preposterously Irrational Arguments
    Blindingly Obvious Logical Fallacies
    Absurd Misconstrual of Scientific Principles or Evidence
    Amazing Conspiracy Theory Bro
    Racist Ignoramus

Offline [BTF]Sigma

  • Phenomenally Prodigious Member
  • **
  • Posts: 3059
    • View Profile
  • Rated:
Re: JOKES
« Reply #149 on: October 12, 2008, 05:48:45 AM »
^ Story of my life.. haha

Everytime we tell someone we're off to do secret fun stuff with our sorority, we tell them we have naked pillow fights. :P

  • Insightful
    Informative
    Funny
    Nice Job / Good Work
    Rock On
    Flawless Logic
    Well-Reasoned Argument and/or Conclusion
    Demonstrates Exceptional Knowlege of the Game
    Appears Not to Comprehend Game Fundamentals
    Frag of the Week
    Frag Hall of Fame
    Jump of the Week
    Jump Hall of Fame
    Best Solution
    Wins The Internet
    Whoosh! You done missed the joke thar Cletus!
    Obvious Troll Is Obvious
    DO YOU EVEN LIFT?
    DEMO OR STFU
    Offtopic
    Flamebait
    Redundant
    Factually Challenged
    Preposterously Irrational Arguments
    Blindingly Obvious Logical Fallacies
    Absurd Misconstrual of Scientific Principles or Evidence
    Amazing Conspiracy Theory Bro
    Racist Ignoramus

 

El Box de Shoutamente

Last 10 Shouts:

Sgt. Dick

May 21, 2019, 04:07:06 AM
Foc - where are you.
 

quadz

May 18, 2019, 10:21:55 PM
Thanks, yes, system crashed; unknown reason.

Hopefully everything is restarted now.
 

NIN-IceFox

May 18, 2019, 08:56:59 PM
Some servers seem down currently Quadz, don't know if it's just a hiccup that'll fix itself, maintenance or what, but just in case, I mention it.
 

NoBugsOnMe

May 13, 2019, 09:44:19 PM
pm gang rise up
 

quadz

May 10, 2019, 08:27:35 PM
It's always been that if you mymap and disconnect before the map goes live, it's deleted from the queue.

Occasinally, someone will stick around until their map loads, and THEN disconnect, which is not appreciated. (Currently the only recourse is a full mute, as there's no provision for blocking just mymap usage.)

At least these days, the chosen map has to be roughly compatible with the number of players active on the server. (No more mapping sewer64 on a 3-player server; etc.)

Punk_FAS

May 10, 2019, 08:22:02 AM
Any way to prevent people from trolling with mymap? By that I mean they join the server, mymap a map, then immediately discconnect, forcing whoever's playing to play a map that nobody there necessarily wanted to play in the first place. Maybe have it check to see if the player who issued the command
 

R. Hayabusa

May 07, 2019, 10:16:25 PM
it's tradition to play vanila and listen to something like this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yOSsvue9DM0&t=243s

Punk_FAS

May 07, 2019, 07:44:28 PM
Seems like that did the trick, quadz. I'm sure everyone is happy to have their lower pings back :) Thanks!

0rbisson

May 06, 2019, 08:23:50 PM
Yes it appears to be normal. thanks
 

quadz

May 06, 2019, 01:44:21 PM
OK, they made a routing change that appears to have resolved the issue I was seeing here.

Everyone else's pings back to normal?

Show 50 latest
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
May 25, 2019, 11:02:25 AM

Login with username, password and session length