Author Topic: JOKES  (Read 80456 times)

Offline |iR|Focalor

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #315 on: June 23, 2018, 04:33:24 PM »
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Offline Sgt. Dick

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #316 on: June 24, 2018, 05:44:54 AM »
 :yessign:- Smart man
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Offline quadz

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #317 on: June 24, 2018, 11:34:40 AM »
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"He knew all the tricks, dramatic irony, metaphor, bathos, puns, parody, litotes and... satire. He was vicious."

Offline |iR|Focalor

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #318 on: June 24, 2018, 10:15:52 PM »
I'd say he's fucking pretty fucking retarded himself just for being a pastor, but he's only half as retarded as the other 17 retards sitting in front of him.
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Offline Sgt. Dick

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #319 on: June 25, 2018, 07:26:30 PM »
I guess this is me -  :dohdohdoh: :smiley_abin: :Duhard:
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Offline |iR|Focalor

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #320 on: June 29, 2018, 08:04:34 PM »
How do you make a gay fuck a woman?
Shit in her cunt.
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Offline |iR|Focalor

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #321 on: August 18, 2018, 09:44:30 AM »

Offline |iR|Focalor

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #322 on: November 15, 2018, 12:15:51 PM »
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Offline |iR|Focalor

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #323 on: October 07, 2019, 09:58:40 AM »
A farmer was selling his peaches door to door. He knocked on a door and a shapely 30-something woman dressed in a very sheer negligee answered the door. He raised his basket to show her the peaches and asked, "Would you like to buy some peaches?"
She pulled the top of the negligee to one side and asked, "Are they as firm as this?"
He nodded his head and said, “Yes ma’am,” and a little tear ran from his eye.
Then she pulled the other side of her negligee off asking, "Are they nice and pink like this?"
The farmer said, "Yes." and another tear came from the other eye.
Then she unbuttoned the bottom of her negligee and asked, "Are they as fuzzy as this?"
He again said, “Yes,” and broke down crying.
She asked, "Why on earth are you crying?"
Drying his eyes he replied, "The drought got my corn, the flood got my soybeans, a tornado leveled my barn, and now I think I’m gonna get fucked out of my peaches."
« Last Edit: July 10, 2020, 04:57:26 PM by |iR|Focalor »
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Offline |iR|Focalor

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #324 on: November 29, 2019, 12:50:07 AM »
What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys?

We'd eat pussy every Thanksgiving.
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Offline |iR|Focalor

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #325 on: December 05, 2019, 02:39:39 AM »
She said, "I want a man to use 2 fingers and make me scream."

So I poked her in the eyes.
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Offline |iR|Focalor

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #326 on: July 10, 2020, 05:03:44 PM »
Teacher: Billy, if there are 5 birds on a fence and you shoot 1, how many birds are left?

Billy: None, the others would fly away.

Teacher: The answer is 4, but I like the way you think.

Billy: I have a question for you Miss. There are 3 women eating ice cream. 1 licking, 1 biting, and 1 sucking. Which one is married?

Teacher nervously answers: The one sucking.

Billy: The answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like the way you think.

Offline |iR|Focalor

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #327 on: July 17, 2020, 01:11:29 AM »
"Hello? Is this the FBI?"

"Yes. What can I do for you?"

"I'm calling to report on my neighbor. He's in an motorcycle gang and he's hiding marijuana inside his firewood"

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, the FBI agents descended on the house. They searched the shed where the firewood was kept. Using axes, they busted open every piece of wood, but found no marijuana. They sneered at the biker as they left.

A few minutes later, the bikers phone rang. A voice on the other end said..."Hey, Brother. Did the FBI come?"

"Yeah, they sure did Brother!"

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Sure did."

"Happy Birthday BROTHER!"
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Offline |iR|Focalor

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Re: JOKES
« Reply #328 on: November 28, 2020, 11:16:58 AM »


A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he’s drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. Then the monkey jumps onto the pool table and swallows a billiard ball.

The bartender screams at the guy, “Your monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table — whole!”

“Sorry,” replied the guy. “He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I’ll pay for everything.”

The man finishes his drink, pays, and leaves.

Two weeks later, he’s in the bar with his pet monkey, again. He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar. The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out, and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did now?” he asks.

“Yeah,” replies the guy. “He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures stuff first.”
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We survived 2020! Oh look, 2021 is knocking on the door...
 

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