Author Topic: JOKES (Read 141135 times)

jägermonsta · « **Reply #45 on:** October 01, 2007, 08:48:18 AM »

Quote from: Daemia on October 01, 2007, 07:50:30 AM

yeah it should of said '9 phrases' but i just copy/pasted it, I wasn't really caring that much...

I was just adding another word... chill.

Daemia · « **Reply #46 on:** October 01, 2007, 10:29:54 AM »

LOL

i know you were Jager ...

I was just thinking aloud.
I had thought to myself as I posted it "that should say 'phrases' not 'words' " since some of them are phrases, like #9 'Don't worry about it, I got it' My personal favorite

Daemia · « **Reply #47 on:** October 01, 2007, 10:36:46 AM »

haha Dukie, evil word twisters men are!!

i get that from my bf cause i have a bad habit of pairing the two words together 'but fuck'

example: "I was trying to move that heavy box today, but fuck! the thing wouldn't budge" and he always replies with "Butt fuck?" god that pisses me off LOL

ReCycled · « **Reply #48 on:** October 01, 2007, 03:25:57 PM »

A Newfie gets a new job and has to move to Ontario. On his first day to work he's driving down the freeway, when his car phone rings.

Answering, he hears his wife's voice frantically telling him, "Phinious, I just saw on the morning news that their traffic helicopter is following a car going the wrong way on Highway 401. Please be careful!"

"Jesus" says Phinious, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

reaper · « **Reply #49 on:** October 01, 2007, 06:47:26 PM »

what did one tampon say to the other tampon?

nothing they were both stuck up bitches

Daemia · « **Reply #50 on:** October 01, 2007, 09:34:36 PM »

ReCycled · « **Reply #51 on:** October 04, 2007, 08:42:36 AM »

Seminars for Men

Once again the females staff will be offering courses to men of any marital status. Class size will be limited to 10 as course material may prove difficult.

1. You too can do Housework
2. P.M.S. - Learning When to Shut Up
3. How to Fill an Ice Tray
4. We Do Not Want Sleazy Things for Christmas, Give Us money
5. Understanding the Female Response to You Coming in drunk at 4:00AM
6. Laundry Techniques (Formerly called Just Because you Wear It Together, Doesn

Unstable · « **Reply #52 on:** October 04, 2007, 08:32:56 PM »

Quote from: reaper on October 01, 2007, 06:47:26 PM

what did one tampon say to the other tampon?

nothing they were both stuck up bitches

Daemia · « **Reply #53 on:** October 05, 2007, 10:13:10 PM »

i like the picture that recycled posted.

ReCycled · « **Reply #54 on:** October 06, 2007, 11:54:45 AM »

Quotes from our beloved ex-Vice President, Dan Quayle. His intelligence and wisdom are sorely missed:

"WE ARE READY FOR AN UNFORESEEN EVENT THAT MAY OR MAY NOT OCCUR."
Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle

"IT IS WONDERFUL TO BE HERE IN THE GREAT STATE OF CHICAGO."
Dan Quayle

"I WAS RECENTLY ON A TOUR OF LATIN AMERICA, AND THE ONLY REGRET I HAVE WAS THAT I DIDN'T STUDY LATIN HARDER IN SCHOOL SO I COULD CONVERSE WITH THOSE PEOPLE."
Dan Quayle

"THE LOSS OF LIFE WILL BE IRREPLACEABLE."
Dan Quayle on the San Francisco earthquake

"WHEN I HAVE BEEN ASKED DURING THESE LAST WEEKS WHO CAUSED THE RIOTS AND THE KILLING IN L.A., MY ANSWER HAS BEEN DIRECT AND SIMPLE: WHO IS TO BLAME FOR THE RIOTS? THE RIOTERS ARE TO BLAME. WHO IS TO BLAME FOR THE KILLINGS? THE KILLERS ARE TO BLAME."
Dan Quayle commenting on the complex social issues behind the Los Angeles Riots

"REPUBLICANS UNDERSTAND THE IMPORTANCE OF BONDAGE BETWEEN A MOTHER AND CHILD."
Dan Quayle on Republican family values

"IT ISN'T POLLUTION THAT'S HARMING THE ENVIRONMENT. IT'S THE IMPURITIES IN OUR AIR AND WATER THAT ARE DOING IT."
Dan Quayle

"WHAT A WASTE IT IS TO LOSE ONE'S MIND. OR NOT TO HAVE A MIND IS BEING VERY WASTEFUL. HOW TRUE THAT IS."
Dan Quayle at a fundraising event for the United Negro College Fund. He was attempting to quote the line "a mind is a terrible thing to waste"

"I LOVE CALIFORNIA. I PRACTICALLY GREW UP IN PHOENIX."
Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle

"IF YOU GIVE A PERSON A FISH, THEY'LL FISH FOR A DAY. BUT IF YOU TRAIN A PERSON TO FISH, THEY'LL FISH FOR A LIFETIME."
Dan Quayle attempting to quote the famous proverb.

"IT'S TIME FOR THE HUMAN RACE TO ENTER THE SOLAR SYSTEM."
Dan Quayle, on the concept of a manned mission to Mars.

DWxchzrles · « **Reply #55 on:** October 06, 2007, 12:09:37 PM »

Hillary Clinton Quotes

"I have to confess that it's crossed my mind that you could not be a Republican and a Christian."

"God bless the America we are trying to create."

"We have a lot of kids who don't know what works means. They think work is a four-letter word."

reaper · « **Reply #56 on:** October 08, 2007, 05:49:30 PM »

i don't see anything wrong with what she said.

DWxchzrles · « **Reply #57 on:** October 08, 2007, 06:51:40 PM »

Quote from: reaper on October 08, 2007, 05:49:30 PM

i don't see anything wrong with what she said.

did you read it?

ReCycled · « **Reply #58 on:** October 10, 2007, 11:39:19 AM »

This is a Newfie joke. For those who don't know, a Newfie is a person born in Newfoundland, which is perceived as a somewhat backward but harmless province in Canada.

A hooker decides to set up business in Toronto and rents an apartment in a highrise to conduct business. Her first customer visits her and comes back a month later. After finishing with her he's preparing to leave when she says " Hold on - what are we going to call the baby?. The last time you came here you got me pregnant. I'm going to have to tell your wife and that won't be good."

"Oh Jesus, don't do that", he says. "Here's a thousand dollars. Go to a doctor and take care of it," and he rushs out the door never to be seen again. She thinks this is a great scam and uses it on three more Toronto men.

One day she has a Newfie customer, and as he's preparing to leave she says to him "Hold on.... what are we going to call the baby?"

The Newfie turns around, unzips his pants, takes off the condom, ties a knot in it and throws it out the window.
He looks at her and says, " If he gets out of that, we'll call him Houdini."

Daemia · « **Reply #59 on:** October 18, 2007, 10:36:28 AM »

A Professor was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to his first year medical students. Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, 'Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'

She replied, 'Probably deer hunting with his buddies.'

The professor laughed so hard he could not continue with the class.

Author Topic: JOKES (Read 141135 times)

Unstable

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