Author Topic: Life's worst feelings (Read 57449 times)

X'tyfe · « **Reply #75 on:** September 17, 2007, 12:59:05 PM »

iv always said that it would be inhumane to bring a child into this world
its inhumane for them to have to go through the shit the world does to ya

i hate my parents

and i wish i was never born
but i wont blow my head off to rid myself of it, im a much stronger person

jägermonsta · « **Reply #76 on:** September 17, 2007, 01:05:08 PM »

uhhh... theropy.

life isn't that bad man. life is what you make of it and the things you can't change are what they are and that's that. pretty silly to forfeit life for such selfish opinions.

reaper · « **Reply #77 on:** September 17, 2007, 01:07:36 PM »

think happy thoughts.. and get on top of shit, seriously, gotta do it, cuz trust me, life will love to fuck you in the ass when you're down

X'tyfe · « **Reply #78 on:** September 17, 2007, 01:07:54 PM »

lets just say i have a total understanding of why people kill themself for those reasons
id even encourage someone to do it if they felt so strongly about it

your right though, but this is how "I" see the world, and it is very sad

jägermonsta · « **Reply #79 on:** September 17, 2007, 01:09:22 PM »

theropy.

X'tyfe · « **Reply #80 on:** September 17, 2007, 01:12:34 PM »

theropy told me im normal

which is even sadder hehe

jägermonsta · « **Reply #81 on:** September 17, 2007, 01:18:09 PM »

Dr Nick isn't a good doctor. Try a new one. :p

Daemia · « **Reply #82 on:** September 17, 2007, 02:06:20 PM »

Quote from: [BTF]X'tyfe on September 17, 2007, 12:59:05 PM
Quote from: [BTF]X'tyfe on September 17, 2007, 12:59:05 PM

iv always said that it would be inhumane to bring a child into this world
its inhumane for them to have to go through the shit the world does to ya

i hate my parents and i wish i was never born

WOW man.... holy shit...
not to many children have that kind of experience with their parents you know...

So dont write-off having kids yet, imagine this......

A small baby, then child, growing up into a tiny sweet version of you... a child who loves you so much. You are their whole world... their everything! you cant even begin to imagine how good that feels. (not to mention scary)
you should know that its so worth having children.

Now imagine nothingness....

NOTHINGNESS?!?! thats depressing to me

Remedy · « **Reply #83 on:** September 17, 2007, 02:44:57 PM »

watching a disease slowly take the life of someone you love, and not being able to do anything about it

everytime the phone rings and it's my family on the caller ID I wonder if it's going to be bad news

X'tyfe · « **Reply #84 on:** September 17, 2007, 04:38:16 PM »

Quote from: Daemia on September 17, 2007, 02:06:20 PM

Quote from: [BTF]X'tyfe on September 17, 2007, 12:59:05 PM
Quote from: [BTF]X'tyfe on September 17, 2007, 12:59:05 PM
iv always said that it would be inhumane to bring a child into this world
its inhumane for them to have to go through the shit the world does to ya

i hate my parents and i wish i was never born

WOW man.... holy shit...
not to many children have that kind of experience with their parents you know...

So dont write-off having kids yet, imagine this......

A small baby, then child, growing up into a tiny sweet version of you... a child who loves you so much. You are their whole world... their everything! you cant even begin to imagine how good that feels. (not to mention scary)
you should know that its so worth having children.

Now imagine nothingness....

NOTHINGNESS?!?! thats depressing to me

its not that i dont like kids. its the fact that i do, that i feel this way

Er!c@ · « **Reply #85 on:** September 17, 2007, 04:46:09 PM »

bleh therapy don't do shit.
i went for self mutilation
and they didn't even talk about it the full 4 months i went
they said i was going through a phase
and i had any suicidal signs to call her
or call the hospital

i'm like bitch like id fukkin tell you?

w.e

Whirlingdervish · « **Reply #86 on:** September 17, 2007, 04:50:00 PM »

by mutilation you couldn't possibly mean getting a bunch of holes poked in your face could you?

cuz that's just fun.

I'd love to see what happens when you cut a therapist and tell them that they're "just going through a bleeding phase"..

Er!c@ · « **Reply #87 on:** September 17, 2007, 04:57:28 PM »

no not putting holes in my face
its fun but not wat i was doing

but through every session i guess you could call em
i got the feeling as tho she was saying
"get over it kid"

is why i told her i wwas fine and dropped the program

Daemia · « **Reply #88 on:** September 17, 2007, 05:04:00 PM »

I get that X'tyfe.

You'd feel guilty for any pain they might experience in life, because you put them here. (I think about that A LOT)
But on the flip side of this, all the joys they feel is thanks to you too, and life has MANY joys.

its the whole Yin/Yang thing I suppose.

Jman-CRU · « **Reply #89 on:** September 17, 2007, 05:32:30 PM »

Life's worst feelings... Hm...

Growing up with alcoholism, workaholism and violence every day, living in a small village where everybody knows, but no one really cares. Over and over crying for help, being left alone or being treated like a liar.
Having to accept you are a victim, now being kicked around by each and everyone. Learning to think and feel you're worthless and everything happening to you is your own fault. Accepting you are a stupid fuck.
Mistrusting your own feelings. Losing yourself. Feeling desperation slowly turning into hatred. Drowning everything in alcohol to forget. Needing more and more every time. Falling asleep just to wake up and repeat it. Getting addicted. More and more realizing it's slowly turning you into something even worse. Turning you into the opposite of a victim, shocking you every time you look into the mirror.

Rising against it. Fighting the addiction. Letting go. Getting clean. Attending highschool just to find out that all the things that made people treat you like shit, all the things they said were wrong about you, are appreciated and needed there. Realizing you suffered for something that in fact enables you to take your a-levels. Witnessing how discovering abilities you didn't even know about turns you into a cynical and angry primus. An arrogant and very unhappy asshole. Now a University-student trying to be as succesful as possible just to make everyone see they were wrong. But still losing his way.

Suddenly waking up from 25 years of sleep and nightmares. Going through a hell of 4 years therapy. Facing all the pain and anger inside. Facing what you've become and what you did. Finding your way back down to your core. Finding yourself. Finding your way. Finding out what you really want and need. Finding peace of mind and finally forgiving those who treated you wrong. Finishing therapy, starting to do it your way.
And one year later, accidentially finding out that the woman you loved and trusted from the bottom of your heart, the woman that's been with you 12 years, through all the good and bad times, lied to you since you started to change. Finding out since that day she tried her best to keep you under control. Finding out that your insecurity and weakness was all she loved about you. Now hating you for what you really are, terrorizing you and trying to break you, while you, still unbelieving, start to realize you're something like a guinea pig in a giant labyrinth of lies.

Realizing there's no talking to her anymore. Realizing that leaving her is the only solution. And finally finding out you were the last to know this was something she had already planned in detail. Realizing SHE already prepared everything to be the one who LEAVES, without letting you a chance to plan and arrange anything.
Suddenly finding yourself out on the street with no place left to go, because all your friends for some strange reason suddenly appear to have turned their back on you. Realizing someone intentionally and systematically turned your life into a mess overnight, keeping everything "precious" and leaving you with almost nothing.

Those are preetteee bad feelings I had. Let aside discovering a beloved friend of mine had been sexually abused since she was 6 years old. And being told later, she died in an "accident" that in fact was a suicide. Knowing that I wasn't there when she most needed a friend.
Let aside I'm stranded in a place full of fuckin' skinheads, saving every Cent to get out of here one day and hopefully continue what I started... Let aside more than ever everything I need is out of reach... Let aside in 33 years of my life I only met two persons who really SAW, understood and liked me just the way I really am, while most others just see what they want to see... Let aside sometimes I feel old like shit...

Still the worst feeling I ever had was when I met one of those two people I just mentioned. I started to feel something so deep I never felt before, but she fell in love with another guy. And I knew the only way to make her happy was to let her go; anything else would have been selfish. I know I did the right thing, but since that day it feels like I cut out a part of me. Dunno why it is like that, but nothing ever felt that bad.

But I think, the worst thing ever would be if one day you feel you've given up hope. And said goodbye to humor. It's still one of the best remedies.

Author Topic: Life's worst feelings (Read 57449 times)

Remedy

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