There is no pleasing a woman

[adz1La]

jesse is gay

[Sgt. Dick]

Damn you Barton, I remember that post you did in 98.   

[Sgt. Dick]

[BTF]Dizzy  06:29:58 AM Viewing the topic There is no pleasing a woman.

Uck Oh

[[BTF] Reflex]

jesse is gay

Rawr!  The adults are talking honey,  go back to bed.



   Weasel,  buying the shirt while she was in the john...  tsk tsk tsk.   I would never let you live that one down.
Any time there was a purchase that gets putt off or anything like it...  "...and don't go do it next time I goto the bathrom!"  

  Maybe if you had bought it and draped it over your shoulder with the logo showing instead of sneaking to the car.


   With kids and all the expenses,  and not making enough money,  maybe I'm just jealous you have 15 bux to kill on a shirt.
I get all mine for under a buck at salvation army.

[quadz]

I told my wife that I wanted to buy another shirt.  She told me that I already had a shirt from the brewery, and didn't need to buy another one.

If you and your wife currently have a joint account, here's something I've tried in the past that seemed to work well:

From the point of view of whoever manages the finances for the family:

Set up a separate checking account for your spouse.  Agree on a weekly allowance, for each of you, and set up an auto-deposit so that your spouse's allowance is automatically transferred to his/her account each week.  (Since you manage the finances, you may not care to have a separate account for yourself, and instead track your part of the allowance in excel, or whatever.  Sometimes a separate account has worked better for me psychologically, though, even if I didn't technically need it.)

Beyond that, the idea is simple: You each spend or save your own allowance however/whenever you see fit.


Anyway, just an idea...  (obviously if there's no room in the budget for ANY sort of weekly allowance, well... )

[l0ckp1ck]

[BTF]Dizzy  06:29:58 AM Viewing the topic There is no pleasing a woman.

Uck Oh

i can see the rolling pin being waved around already lol

[haunted]

My significant other has an extreme shopping addiction. If it's a trip to the pet store for dog food, she could spend 80$(yesterday). Then it would be probable for her to hit up the mall afterward.. and if she sees something that she likes(she likes everything) then she will buy it. She is completely obsessed over the engagement ring that she is about to receive, and even reminds me that it's normal to spend 2 months salary on one(lol @ this.. buying that shit wholesale and having my mother(a silversmith) set it. 50% off.. she don't need to know dat shit though). THERE'S A GOOD AMOUNT OF WOMEN WHO ARE LIKE THIS...... BUT...... I would never have ANY of the arguments or problems that any of you have mentioned thus far with her. Just zero chance, especially anything that's money related. I see this with so many couples though, so I am not in denial of reality here. My bro and his girlfriend have the most petty and most annoying arguments possible to me, although by anyone's standard I would say that they are a "good" couple. The worst argument I've seen them have, in person(have heard from him of worse), is when they got in a shouting match over music choice. "I NEVER PUT ON SOMETHING THAT ONLY I LIKE, I MAKE SURE THAT WE BOTH LIKE IT.... blah blah blah blah blah". You see that shit is just ridiculous to me. In my relationship yeah we both love music, but getting mad and shouting over it? Nooo... My girlfriend would laugh and make fun of me for liking something she thought was bad. and if I happened to disagree it would only make me laugh too, at her. I can't even imagine being in a relationship where she stays mad for a week... ehh that shit just isn't for me I guess. Back to the story about my bro... while she's drunk and pissed off for no reason, he decides to elevate the situation by putting on a thrash metal song that I know all too well. Right when I heard the intro, I started putting on my jacket to leave LOL. I was like when he starts screaming(in the song) she is going to be pissed. So his situation is similar to a lot of the aforementioned ones; just because he feels like he did no wrong to receive the treatment he got, which he's right I think, he -ALSO- thinks it's right to elevate the situation by putting on the song she is least likely to enjoy. THAT IS WRONG. Not entirely, as in I wouldn't give a fuck what she thinks about the song either. But there's more than just one way to let her know that you don't give a rat's ass, being that sinking down to her level is just encouragement for a similar situation to happen again. I'm not saying that me and my woman are perfect either, but when we do argue over something that's a little stupid(stupid by MY standards, lol) we are both capable of working it out and fast. We don't go to bed angry at each other.

It all depends what you want out of the relationship, I guess. Personally(I mean no offense to anyone by this), if I had to deal with any of the shit that I've heard on this thread, I would drop my girl like a hot rock and say so long. So to address the title of this thread referring to women being impossible to please: that is wrong. Store-bought ice-cream, fudge, anything chocolate, seem to not only please her but put her on cloud 9. I really enjoy the fact that she is "easily" satisfied like that, because so am I. We're very different people, but we seem to appreciate each other and we're both easy to please. As far as money is concerned... least of my worries. I live large and buy newcastle all damn day, you'd be a fool if you think I care about money. When I'm at the beer store and I see a 12pk of newcastle, my weapon of choice, yes I see the opportunity cost of 3x the buzz one door over. Very tempting I must say but I'll end up just buying 2 12pks of newcastle instead

The worst is when 2 in a relationship argue and keep bringing gender into it. That is socially and intellectually digressive, not to mention a big waste of time for other reasons as well. It's like the little bit of a "crazy bitch side" brings out the little bit of a "male chauvinist side" in the guy, AND vice versa.

Just how I feel in comparison to my relationship, everyone and all situations are different.

ps. GIRL POWER!!!!!

[The Happy Friar]

The issue with Foc's way of doing things is that it's no different then playing a Q2 tourney match with a bind on mouse2 of "quit".  You're not REALLY interested in playing unless it's going the way you want.  Imagine how pissed people would be @ Quakecon if the looser just ran a "quit" bind because they were loosing, or the winner because they weren't winning enough.   The relation "quit" bind should be used before you get married & it should be run WAY before you mess up & play house.  If you're serious, just like a Q2 match, you should get married (play the match seriously) & unbind mouse2.  We wouldn't expect a Q2 competitive player to do this & I'm not sure why it's deemed acceptable to do it with people.

I never knew Quadz was married.   

I've never seen his way work out though.  Things change & eventually someone is going to feel shafted.  IE husband has $500 in his account & wife just got fired, husband doesn't feel wife "deserves" any $$ for fun.    Wife makes more $$ then husband & feels husband shouldn't get as much $$ as her.  Kids come in to picture & wife stays home to be with kids but husband doesn't think wife needs any $$ any more & wife handles finances & cuts husband out because she's doing all the stuff for the kids & needs more $$.

It's almost a divorce/support/alimony thing going on there.  To bring it in to Quake perspective: it would be like a CTF match playing zone defense & the other team got your flag.  You see the flag carrier but figure "hey, the carrier isn't my problem, not my zone".   Your team looses because a) nobody's REALLY in charge (everybody is their own boss in their own zone) & b) you didn't want to help the team out because it's not your job.   You have to be perfect & not make mistakes for it to not fail.

That doesn't mean $$ for each won't work, just setting up the accounts & being set over it brings problems.   If me or the wife wanted something we normally just go to the other person, ask, then the obvious "why" question comes up & there's a discussion.  We're not going to get upset if one of us is at the store & buys a candy bar, but we're not going to buy even a pair of jeans/skirt out of the bank/CC w/o talking first. 

I have the other $$ issue with my wife: she normally just says yes if I ask for something & doesn't worry about the $$.  This week I talked to here about putting $1k down for Boris Red & she didn't want to say no, she was trying to find a way to justify her saying yes to make me happy.  I went to her WANTING a no because I knew it was something we couldn't afford & wanted a confirmation on that.

You'll never make your husband/wife happy 100% of the time but making them unhappy on purpose shouldn't be a goal.  They should of gotten rid of you on the 2nd date.

[haunted]

@happy-That was a little more organized than my post, pretty much agree with it all though. Proper communication skills are key, and all too simple in a relationship if the chemistry is there. It's a shared responsibility though(communicating 'properly').. and in turn a mutual appreciation for each other for doing so.

That's how we feel about it, anyway.

[|iR|Focalor]

I never knew Quadz was married.   

Hell yeah, he has a CAT. He's either married or single and gay.

Thanks for proving my point...

The point is that pretty much everything brought up here is petty and pointless and that it's based on a difference of foundational concepts. I'm sure that my wife has done quite a few things like this, but having a different perspective, it never really bothers me for long. Regardless of our faults or arguments, we are in this together. Same thing goes for the kids. Every day is a new day. I can't stay mad at one of the kids forever just because they are bad once. You take care of the now, get over it, and move on.

And to really be honest, it sounds like -you- guys are the ones that can't forgive and forget. How long are you really going to drag around this baggage? You sound like a bunch of women!

I really wasn't going to elaborate or get defensive, but Foc having absolutely NO IDEA what a family man is... I had to.   

Oh no, thank YOU for helping to prove MY point. I'm not going to be guilted into sticking with some overbearing bitchy cunt just because at one time I allowed my emotions to override my intelligence and I made myself legally obligated to someone who doesn't know the meaning of words like "compromise" or "fair". Nor am I going to be guilted into sticking with said bitch just because I rammed her twat with my dick and 9 months later she spit out a kid. If you're the kind of person that can tolerate being walked all over, that's your business, but don't expect anyone to revere the fact that you bend in acquiescence to the will of someone else.

I'm not necessarily putting down the "family man" either. If you've got the balls to make a decision and then be responsible enough to stick to your guns until the bitter end and be there to see it all the way through, good for you. But it doesn't make you special. Some of us are responsible enough to not let one fleeting emotional moment in time cause us to do something that we'll only come to regret later, not when there are way too many people out there who DO get married and have kids only to figure out later that it wasn't what they really wanted out of life. These are the people who get taken for 75% of their net worth when they get divorced. These are the people who resent their own children and screw them up psychologically by abusing them in some way or they simply leave them behind and absolve themselves of all responsibility.

[quadz]

I've never seen his way work out though.  Things change & eventually someone is going to feel shafted.  IE husband has $500 in his account & wife just got fired, husband doesn't feel wife "deserves" any $$ for fun.    Wife makes more $$ then husband & feels husband shouldn't get as much $$ as her.  Kids come in to picture & wife stays home to be with kids but husband doesn't think wife needs any $$ any more & wife handles finances & cuts husband out because she's doing all the stuff for the kids & needs more $$.

Dude.  You just tacked on a bunch of generic examples of suboptimal behavior that could happen in any context where the spouses are having financial friction.

IE husband has $500 in his account & wife just got fired, husband doesn't feel wife "deserves" any $$ for fun.  No. It puts the weekly allowance in the checking account or else it gets the hose again.

Wife makes more $$ then husband & feels husband shouldn't get as much $$ as her.  No! It puts the weekly allowance in the checking account or else it gets the hose again!

Kids come in to picture & wife stays home to be with kids but husband doesn't think wife needs any $$ any more & wife handles finances & cuts husband out because she's doing all the stuff for the kids & needs more $$.  WTF is with these people?  No!

Maybe I explained the idea poorly.  

The "allowance" is just to provide some "mad money" for each spouse (and it was intended to be an equal amount per), it wasn't meant to be some giant amount that they argue over, and it wasn't meant to now become the ONLY way either of them can purchase anything.  Especially not "she's doing all the stuff for the kids and needs more"!  Dammit, whatever she's doing for the kids still comes out of the general fund.

Fah.  A pox on these hypothetical people in your examples!  Seem like sorry-ass whiney bitchy losers.  I no longer care about their problems!

[ToRcH]

Sounds like for the most part to me, it depends on how your situation lays down.. also who you have, i think Quadz situation is a very nifty way.. a general fund, Bills-kids, etc.. and your allowance is how YOU or YOUR WIFE/ G/F w/e wants to spend it.. may it be on herself, you, or kids or just anything in general.. i've never been married but when i had a job i gave my g/f money because she wasn't able to get a job or get things for herself that was needed.. in the end.. well she cheated on me so i left that bitch behind but other than that.. we never had 1 problem.. was just 1 drunken night that i wasn't willing to forgive her for.

[|iR|Focalor]

Yeah I used to have a girlfriend kinda like that. She had a felony on her record and always claimed that she couldn't get a job because of it. I wasn't really thinking that far ahead OR clearly at the time. I trusted her and took her at her word for it even though in the back of my mind there was this little voice saying, "She's playin' you, man. Get the fuck out while you can." We dated for several months and I made enough money to cover whatever we did... for a while. I'd buy her weed for her every Friday night, I'd pay for dinner, I'd buy the beer we'd drink the shit out of when we went camping or fishing, I'd buy all the other camping and fishing necessities, I'd pay for gas in my truck to go all around the damn state of Georgia doing shit, etc etc. It was okay at first. I figured she was looking hard for a job so things would get easier eventually. No. Slowly but surely I whittled away at my savings. She lived about 50 mins away, so it was a bitch of a drive going to and from her house, not to mention the bitch of  drive it was to go everywhere else including work. I'd set aside cash from my paychecks to pay for gas for the week and I'd always end up having to spend more cash that I had set aside, so then I'd have to hit an ATM and take out more. It got to where I was just barely having enough to pay for all my bills and the balance was slowly going farther and farther towards 0 at the end of every month.

Then the shit hit the fan. I get arrested and thrown in jail. I had to spend half of what I had in my account to bail myself out a few days later. I missed work so I was fired. I couldn't pay the rent so I was kicked outta my place. My drivers license was suspended. I couldn't pay my truck payments anymore, luckily my dad was willing to take it from me and he started making the payments until I could pay him back and pick it back up, but anyway, yeah, lost my ride too. So I moved in with her and her family for a while since I had no place else to go at the time. About 2 days after I move in, her family tells her that they want us out in 2 weeks. So at that point she starts actually TRYING for once to find a job rather than filling out e-applications to appease her mother and me like her lazy ass was doing all before that. Lo and behold, she lands a job almost immediately as a server in an upscale restaurant in town and makes plenty of money at it.

Skipping ahead a little now. I finally go to trial and part of my sentence requires that I spend a few more days in jail. Come to find out a few months after the fact that while I'm sleeping on the floor in a jail cell because theres no fucking empty beds, she's sleeping in her ex-boyfriends nice warm bed.

So I sit back and look at the money in fines and the hundreds of hours of community service I'll have to do and I say, "Ok, that's it baby. We're done with the partying and smoking dope and blowing money on stupid shit. If we're gonna get married eventually and settle down, we gotta start RIGHT FUCKIN NOW working and saving like crazy to get out of this hole and get on our feet." It was HER idea to eventually get married. So I put my foot down and said the partying and playtime bullshit was over. She agreed to stop smoking dope and live on the right side of the law with me from then on. Well I come home from work one night a few days later and smell a very familiar pungent odor: dope. So I start tearing the place apart looking for it, I was gonna drag her ass into the bathroom and make her flush it. She said I was crazy, that there was no dope and that I was simply IMAGINING the fuckin smell. She goes off to work, so I sat there stewing about it. So I walk up to the bar in town and proceed to drink my ass off. I figured, fine, she wants to keep the shit up, I'll fuckin give her a dose of her own shit. She gets home from work that night and sees that I'm hammered and has the gall to go ballistic about it. We argue about it for a while, so I take my ass to the couch to get some sleep and get away from her. Well 2 minutes later she comes in there bitching at me again. So I move upstairs to the couch in the living room. 2 minutes later, there she is again. This time she's bending down right in my face and poking me in the chest with her finger, which reeeeeeeaally pissed me off. I sit up and glare at her with a stare that probably looked like I was fixing to jump up and beat her ass. All I said was, "You better get the fuck out of my face and leave me the hell alone." She walks away and I figure that's the end of it. 10 minutes later she comes walking back into the damn living room leading 2 sheriffs deputies to me and tells them that I was "becoming violent" and they start asking me, "Did you hit her?" Of course due to the fact that I was intoxicated and on probation, they were ready to believe her story and haul my ass back to jail for domestic violence. Luckily her mom wakes up and tells the cops to leave and that she'll handle the situation. So I slept on the 2nd floor, she slept in her room in the basement. The next day after work, I happen to look in a drawer and there's the fucking dope that she claimed was a figment of my imagination. So that night when she left for work, I packed all my shit back up and moved in with a friend.

And that wasn't the first time she ever lied to me. And that wasn't the first time she ever called the cops on me for a bullshit reason because she knew she was losing an argument. See, I'm probably more forgiving than anyone else here. Not really any fucking more though. I treat a woman with the utmost respect and I never lie. Despite whatever else I might be, I know I'm a decent guy and I'm worth more than to allow some fucking asshole repeated opportunities to fuck me over. Sure, any relationship requires compromise. But I'm definitely not taking any shit from anyone ever again. Some bitch don't want to get on the same page as me,... hit the fucking bricks, honey.

[peewee_RotA]

I never knew Quadz was married.   

Hell yeah, he has a CAT. He's either married or single and gay.

Thanks for proving my point...

The point is that pretty much everything brought up here is petty and pointless and that it's based on a difference of foundational concepts. I'm sure that my wife has done quite a few things like this, but having a different perspective, it never really bothers me for long. Regardless of our faults or arguments, we are in this together. Same thing goes for the kids. Every day is a new day. I can't stay mad at one of the kids forever just because they are bad once. You take care of the now, get over it, and move on.

And to really be honest, it sounds like -you- guys are the ones that can't forgive and forget. How long are you really going to drag around this baggage? You sound like a bunch of women!

I really wasn't going to elaborate or get defensive, but Foc having absolutely NO IDEA what a family man is... I had to.   

Oh no, thank YOU for helping to prove MY point. I'm not going to be guilted into sticking with some overbearing bitchy cunt just because at one time I allowed my emotions to override my intelligence and I made myself legally obligated to someone who doesn't know the meaning of words like "compromise" or "fair". Nor am I going to be guilted into sticking with said bitch just because I rammed her twat with my dick and 9 months later she spit out a kid. If you're the kind of person that can tolerate being walked all over, that's your business, but don't expect anyone to revere the fact that you bend in acquiescence to the will of someone else.

I'm not necessarily putting down the "family man" either. If you've got the balls to make a decision and then be responsible enough to stick to your guns until the bitter end and be there to see it all the way through, good for you. But it doesn't make you special. Some of us are responsible enough to not let one fleeting emotional moment in time cause us to do something that we'll only come to regret later, not when there are way too many people out there who DO get married and have kids only to figure out later that it wasn't what they really wanted out of life. These are the people who get taken for 75% of their net worth when they get divorced. These are the people who resent their own children and screw them up psychologically by abusing them in some way or they simply leave them behind and absolve themselves of all responsibility.

None of that is true, and you contradicted yourself pretty well in paragraph 2. Paragraph 1 appears to be very true for you. That's fine. That's my point. We have a different foundational understanding of relationships. You think your line of thinking is better and I think that mine is better. That's the way it is and my first response was a nutshell way of saying that.

[unrelated to the family man portion of the discussion]
One thing that I've observed, and this is why I made the snide remakes in my second response, is that argumentatively, men are a castle. When in an argument, men feel right and will defend themselves, especially using logic to analyze the situation. Women are wounded soldiers that run back to their army of friends to come out with more ammo. IT IS A VERY FEMALE action to ask others for advice in a fight. Every man I know has waaaay too much pride for that. So when you come onto a forum looking for women support, you are doing the exact same thing as www.weareabunchofwomendiscussingbabiesandrelationships.com.
[/unrelated to the family man portion of the discussion]

Getting back to the family man topic, my fundamental understanding of my relationship with my wife has 3 elements:
1) A "human being" is an abstract concept and every person is a half of a human being. It takes 2 to make a "human being."
2) We are a team.
3) Grandchildren are the secret of life

You don't have to agree, I'm just saying that this how I understand my relationship and we talk about this and feel that they are important and true. Our goal is to have grandchildren some day, it takes a lot of teamwork to do that right, and most importantly it takes a whole human to do that.

The first portion is what I'm pointing out. If I were of the mind that I am my own island, then I would find myself at odds with anyone who threatens that. Things like money, material wants, and unwillingness to discuss how I spend my free time are wedges. As a couple we've moved past petty arguments about this. Seriously, I play a 13 year old game, I really have few material needs. Managing money is important, and money fights will always happen, but if I ever felt obligated to buy some piece of junk then I would be the one that had to get over myself. That junk does not define me or make me happy. My family does. Activision and their POS remake of goldeneye can go suck an egg (seeing as it's the latest thing that I did that to and came out sorely disappointed). I honestly don't need to spend money on crap to be happy. (But it would help to hurt my relationship if they stopped churning out disgustingly bad videogames)

[reaper]

Getting back to the family man topic, my fundamental understanding of my relationship with my wife has 3 elements:
1) A "human being" is an abstract concept and every person is a half of a human being. It takes 2 to make a "human being."
2) We are a team.
3) Grandchildren are the secret of life

step 2 is alright, step 1 and 3 yeah dunno about that one