Funny Lyrics

[Q12XII]

This song cracks me up every time I hear it


Eminem - The Real Slim Shady

May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will, The Real Slim Shady please stand up?
I repeat will, The Real Slim Shady please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here

Y'all act like you never seen a white person before
Jaws all on the floor like Pam, like Tommy just burst in the door
And started whoopin' her ass worse than before
They first were divorce, throwin' her over furniture
It's the return of the, "Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding
He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"
And Dr. Dre said, nothing you idiots
Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement!
Feminist women love Eminem
Chigga chigga chigga, "Slim shady, I'm sick of him

Look at him, walkin' around grabbin' his you-know-what
Flippin' the you-know-who, yeah, but he's so cute though!"
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
But no worse, than what's goin' on in your parents' bedrooms
Sometimes, I wanna get on T.V. and just let loose, but can't
But it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose
"My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips
And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss"
And that's the message that we deliver to little kids
And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is

Of course they gonna know what intercourse is
By the time they hit fourth grade
They got the discovery channel don't they?
"We ain't nothing but mammals", well, some of us cannibals
Who cut other people open like cantaloupes
But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes
Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope
But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote
Women wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes
I'm slim shady, yes I'm the real shady
All you other slim shadys are just imitating
So won't The Real Slim Shady please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?

'Coz I'm slim shady, yes I'm the real shady
All you other slim shadys are just imitating
So won't The Real Slim Shady please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?

Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell his records
Well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too
You think I give a damn about a Grammy?
Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me
"But slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?"
Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here?
So you can, sit me here next to Britney Spears?
Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs
So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst
And hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first

You little bitch, put me on blast on M.T.V
"Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee!"
I should download her audio on MP3
And show the whole world how you gave Eminem VD
I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups, all you do is annoy me
So I have been sent here to destroy you
And there's a million of us just like me
Who cuss like me, who just don't give a fuck like me
Who dress like me, walk, talk and act like me
And just might be the next best thing but not quite me

'Coz I'm slim shady, yes I'm the real shady
All you other slim shadys are just imitating
So won't The Real Slim Shady please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?

'Coz I'm slim shady, yes I'm the real shady
All you other slim shadys are just imitating
So won't The Real Slim Shady please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?

I'm like a head trip to listen to, cause I'm only givin' you
Things you joke about with your friends inside your living room
The only difference is I got the balls to say it
In front of y'all and I don't gotta be false or sugarcoated at all
I just get on the mic and spit it
And whether you like to admit it, I just shit it
Better than ninety percent of you rappers out can
Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like Valiums

It's funny, 'cause at the rate I'm goin when I'm thirty
I'll be the only person in the nursin' home flirting
Pinchin' nurses asses when I'm jackin' off with jergens
And I'm jerkin' but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working
And every single person is a slim shady lurkin'
He could be workin' at Burger King, spittin' on your onion rings
Or in the parkin' lot, circling, screaming, "I don't give a fuck!"
With his windows down and his system up

So, will the real shady please stand up?
And put one of those fingers on each hand up?
And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control
And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?

I'm slim shady, yes I'm the real shady
All you other slim shadys are just imitating
So won't The Real Slim Shady please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?

'Coz I'm slim shady, yes I'm the real shady
All you other slim shadys are just imitating
So won't The Real Slim Shady please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?

'Coz I'm slim shady, yes I'm the real shady
All you other slim shadys are just imitating
So won't The Real Slim Shady please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?

'Coz I'm slim shady, yes I'm the real shady
All you other slim shadys are just imitating
So won't The Real Slim Shady please stand up
Please stand up, please stand up?

Ha ha
Guess there's a slim shady in all of us
Fuck it, let's all stand up

[Th0m@s29]

Eminem is awesome and so are other good white rappers like him such as mad child


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VuxvMlP_p5A

[|iR|Focalor]

White people suck.

[Q12XII]

The Real Slim Shady used to crack me up, but when I heard this one I totally lost it.


Eminem - Ass like That

[Chorus]
The way you shake it, I can't believe it
I ain't never seen an ass like that
The way you move it, you make my pee pee go
Doing, doing, doing

I don't believe it, it's almost too good to be true
I ain't never seen an ass like that
The way you move it, you make my pee pee go
Doing, doing, doing

The way she moves she's like a belly dancer
She's shaking that ass to that new nelly jam, I
Think someones at the door
But I don't think I'm gonna answer
Police saying "freeze"
Doing, doing, doing
What do you mean freeze?
Please, I'm a human being, I have needs
I'm not done, not till I'm finish peeing
I am not resisting arrest, I am agreeing Mr. Officer
I'm already on my knees
I can't get on the ground any further, it's impossible for me
And do not treat me like a murderer, I just like to pee, pee, pee
Yes, I make r&b, I sing song it go
Ring-a-chong, a-ching-chong-chong-chong-ching
Psych, I joke, I joke, I kidd, I kidd
If I offend I'm sorry, please, please forgive
For I am Triumph, the puppet dog, I am a mere puppet
I can get away with anything I sing, you will love it

[Chorus]

Jessica Simpson, looks oh so temptin'
Nick I ain't never seen an ass like that
Everytime I see that show on MTV my pee pee goes
Doing, doing, doing

Mary-Kate and Ashley used to be so wholesome
Now they're getting older, they're starting to grow bum bums
I go to the movies and sit down with my pop corn
Police saying "freeze"
Doing doing doing
What do you mean freeze?
Geez, I just got my seat
I have ticket, look, I put away my zipper zipped
Please do not remove me from this movie theater please
I did not even get to see Mary-Kate shower scene
I didn't mean to be obscene or make a great big scene
And don't treat me like I'm pee wee herman, this movies PG
Mr. Officer, I demand to see my attorney
I will simply plead innocent, cop a plea and be free
Free, yes, free, right back on the streets
What you mean my lawyer's with Michael, he's too busy?
I am Triumph, Britney Spears has shoulders like a man
And I can say that and you'll laugh cuz that is a puppet on my hand

[Chorus]

Hilary Duff is not quite old enough so
I ain't never seen a butt like that
Maybe next year I'll say ass and she'll make my pee pee go
Doing, doing, doing

The way she moves she dances like a go-go
In that video she sings get out your bozo
I need a new boyfriend, hi my name is JoJo
Police saying "freeze"
Doing, doing, doing
What do you mean freeze?
My computers would be seized and my keys to my ranch
I just baked cookies Mr. Officer, looky, take a whiff of these
Here, I make Jesus juice, take a sip of this
Nobody is safe from me, no not even me
I don't even know if I can say the word pee pee, pee
On the radio, but I think I did
Janet, is that a breast, I think I just saw a tit
Psych, I joke, I joke, I kidd, I kidd
I don't think my joke is working, I must flee quick
Get to the chopper, everybody get out
I am not Triumph, I am Arnold, get down

[Chorus]

So Gwen Stefani, will you pee pee on me please?
I ain't never seen an ass like that
Cuz the way you move it, you make my pee pee go
Doing, doing, doing

What the fuck is wrong with you? (ha!)

[fdrjk]

Eminem cant sing.

/thread

[Q12XII]

You dont need to be able to sing to have several multiplatinum albums that sold millions of copies. He's living proof of that.

[soh]

The Joy of Your World

"My brain makes the earth dark but I'm hung like a birth mark ... I'm old school like Aztecs but new and other aspects ..."


Verse 1:
My brain makes the earth dark but I'm hung like a birthmark
I like to suck toes yours secrete fructose
I make paintings based on grids just like Chuck Close
I'm old school like Aztecs but new in other aspects
If you want sex with me be prepared for bad sex and slapstick
Even Chapstick won't help my chapped dick
When I'm with a naked chick I use a faker dick
A turkey baster laced with Elmer's to make it stick
My ex fled to Reykjavik, we really were trying
Ohhh your so wet, "My pussy's crying"
I need an eye exam and a vagina with no diaphragm
Or condom, I'm pond scum, I'm going to buy a lamb
And when we make love I'll picture titty humping
which looks like a Venn Diagram
Ewww, this isn't dope I feel like I'm pissing Scope
Lamby's a misanthrope
I asked her to stop moving, does she listen? Nope
The sheep was a clone so I was a creep on the phone
Now I'm sleeping alone
With her photo on my nightstand in a sepia tone
Oh yeah and you know that...
<Scratching> "Paul Bar-Bar-Barman"

Chorus:
The joy of your world is Paul Barman!!!
Beautiful, Beautiful Barman
Yes the joy of your wwoorrlldd is Paul Barman!!!
Beautiful, Beautiful Barman

Verse 2:
After this rap I'll be in Napoli, happily
Proposing to my chosen under an apple tree
"Let's get married," I don't walk, I get carried
By a motorcade of voter-age women on rollerblades
In cute sleeveless shirts exposing their shoulder blades
But I'm a lonely guy since my honeypie ran off with Ione Skye
Now I've got nothing whatsoever, ugly-broke-arrogant, but so clever
When I write rhymes on brown bags and in shower steam
Me and Paul are the power team
We'll leave you deflowered with a mouth full of sour cream
Gobble this obelisk
<Scratching> "Paul Bar-Bar-Barman"

Chorus:
The joy of your world is Paul Barman!!!
Beautiful, Beautiful Barman
Yes the joy of your wwoorrlldd is Paul Barman!!!
Beautiful, Beautiful Barman

Verse 3:
My close pals, aunts, uncles, leaders, Nations, and towns
Hamlets and neighboring islands, everyone
Landlords, bosses, and relatives, moms and newborns
Somehow when I act thirteen, I'm a virgin girl's tractor beam
This one was dressed to kill from her head to my testicle
She was from west of Phil-ly and spoke well of it
She said, "Just for the hell of it let's not be celibate."
I got all higgledy piggledy, it's a big relief
When I take off my fig uh leaf
She said that, "Let's get at this" but her cat and an unpotted cactus
Sat on her mattress
that sure made it saturated with sharp thorns and cat piss
I put on a hiphop beat while she whipped off the topsheet
She said, "Come to bed I like my undergrads underfed
They amaze how they stay up days on mayonnaise and Wonderbread."
I dove in her cervix a lot like Sir Mixalot
This interlude is for the women I've interviewed about the clitoris
and how to make it less hit-or-miss
Should we be gentle?, Is it all mental?
I won't use a dental dam 'cause it discurges
my urges to submerge in her jizz
She said, "My goodness you should juss use clues that's nonverbal
You're too vigorous if my clitoris, for example, turns purple"
It was time to copulate but we didn't want to populate
So my bold groin reached for my gold coin proooophylactic
I unwrapped it, you can't know how I felt
It wasn't a gold coin condom, it was chocolate Chanukah gelt
The white part crumbled on her tummy and the rest began to melt
Foiled again.....

<Scratching> "It's a classic piece, It's a classic piece,
It's a classic piece
We'd like to thank George for that and also Paauull Bar-Bar-Barman,
Bar-Barman Barman-Barman-Barman, and also Paauull Bar-Bar-Barman,
Bar-Bar-Barman, Paauull Bar-Bar-Barman, From Chapel Hill
who made the contribution of 5 dollars
Thanks Charles, I mean pardon me Paul,
Charles took the pledge, No Doubt"

[|iR|Focalor]

S.O.D. - Ballad of the Scorpions

YOU'RE BALD!


S.O.D. - The Ballad of Kurt Cobain

YOU'RE DEAD!