Author Topic: Bad Puns (Read 14772 times)

peewee_RotA · « **on:** January 02, 2009, 07:35:10 PM »

A wealthy trader Named Ching left his homeland and moved his family to England. Ching was well respected for his honesty and quickly earned the people's favor. Because of this popularity, he was quickly appointed mayor of the small town that he inhabited. A few years later he was appointed governor of a Provence. One day he received word that due to his honesty the King was considering granting him Knighthood despite his foreign birth. On that same day he observed the Duke Charles Ditt IV, a beloved friend of the king, falsifying shipment records in order to keep more money for himself. The punishment for this was a large fine and it was the duty of the Governor to enforce this fine. Ching also discovered that in order to stay in favor with the King the previous Governors would bend the law on behalf of the King's friend. The governor had a dilemma and asked his most trusted advisor to help him find the answer. Should he be honest and fine the Duke or Stay in favor of the King.

The next day Ching left for London to meet with the king. The advisor waited eagerly for his return to learn what it is that Ching had decided to do. So when the week had passed and the Governor returned his advisor immediately asked: "So are you Sir Ching, or did you fine Ditt?"

|iR|Focalor · « **Reply #1 on:** January 02, 2009, 11:10:39 PM »

Q: What do you call a piece of wood with nothing to do?

A: Board

peewee_RotA · « **Reply #2 on:** January 03, 2009, 03:20:32 AM »

Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet
became quite thick and hard. He also was quite a spiritual person.
Even when he was not on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and
became quite thin and frail. Due to this diet, he wound up with very
bad breath. Therefore, he came to be known as a . . .

Super calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.

peewee_RotA · « **Reply #3 on:** January 07, 2009, 04:49:25 PM »

If a man sneezes on his Ex-Wife does he need a Clean-Ex?

quadz · « **Reply #4 on:** January 11, 2009, 05:44:19 PM »

Ghastly pun from a Veruca Salt song called Number One Blind:

"Levolor, which one of us is blind?"

peewee_RotA · « **Reply #5 on:** January 11, 2009, 07:13:54 PM »

Quote from: quadz on January 11, 2009, 05:44:19 PM

Ghastly pun from a Veruca Salt song called Number One Blind:

"Levolor, which one of us is blind?"

Two young ladies decide to become nuns. During their first year they are placed under high scrutiny for any of their actions. In the middle of a prayer during the weekly mass one of the two nuns sneezes loudly and the other one giggles and says "bless you" interrupting the prayer. As punishment, they are both enlisted that weekend to paint the chapel ceiling. They are afraid to get their habits dirty so In order to avoid further punishment they lock the chapel doors, remove their habits, and begin painting in nothing but their underwear.

Sure enough in the middle of painting there's a loud knock on the front chapel door. One of them heads over and asks "Who is it?"

"Blind man." replies the voice from outside.

The two nuns discuss amongst themselves. They are required to help the less fortunate and being blind there can be no harm in letting him in.

So they unlock the door, let the man in, and he immediately says: "Nice bod's, now where should I install these blinds?".

peewee_RotA · « **Reply #6 on:** May 11, 2009, 11:14:56 AM »

I saw two nun's playing music together on steel drums. I stared with a puzzled look on my face for it was a co-nun drum.

|iR|Focalor · « **Reply #7 on:** May 11, 2009, 04:07:17 PM »

A black lady goes to the drug store. She walks up to the pharmacists counter and says, "I's lookin' fo sum tampons. What would ya recommend?" The pharmacist says, "Well, what is your flow like?" She says, "Linoleum."

[BTF]adam · « **Reply #8 on:** May 12, 2009, 11:16:08 AM »

I snorted at the conundrum one.

Th0m@s29 · « **Reply #9 on:** October 11, 2009, 03:03:50 PM »

I liked that wood joke rofl.

peewee_RotA · « **Reply #10 on:** October 28, 2009, 07:45:44 AM »

At work I've been deemed the king of bad puns and told to make myself a T-Shirt to announce this (warn people)

So I figured out that the tagline will say: "It's all pun and games until somebody doesn't get it"

I was thinking that the front could say "Are you Pun-King serious?" but I wanted to make it more family friendly. Basically I want to be able to wear it around my family and for them to stay friendly with me. So I'm still working something out for the title.

Along the way I did find a pretty good one that I have to share:
Q: What do you get when you throw a grenade into a french kitchen?
A: Linoleum Blown-Apart

QwazyWabbit · « **Reply #11 on:** October 28, 2009, 10:47:03 AM »

Two nuns are riding bikes through town, the first nun takes a turn down a cobblestone road claiming it's a shortcut.

The second nun says, "I've never come this way before."

The first one says, "It's the cobblestones."

peewee_RotA · « **Reply #12 on:** January 08, 2010, 08:53:41 AM »

My wife is doing an online college program. She was docked a few points on her latest assignment to pick a topic for her final project. The teacher said that it was "too broad."

I explained to her that she should not have chosen to write about her two most influential female role models. She should have stuck with just one broad.

Th0m@s29 · « **Reply #13 on:** January 23, 2010, 08:40:05 AM »

Wow more people need to read these lmao.

peewee_RotA · « **Reply #14 on:** January 23, 2010, 08:51:06 AM »

Which do you like better, jokes about priests or nuns? Personally I think that priest jokes are second to nun.

(I'm certain that I've used that one here before but I figured it belonged here anyway)

Author Topic: Bad Puns (Read 14772 times)

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