Things you should NEVER say to a woman

[|iR|Focalor]

So I was fucking this chick and in the sweaty passionate heat of the moment she whispered to me, "I want you to do whatever you want."

So I got up, went to the kitchen, and came back 30 seconds later with a funnel and a bottle of ketchup. She said, "What the fuck!?!" I said, "I'm gonna stick the funnel in your butthole, squirt half the bottle of ketchup up there, then I'm gonna take the funnel out and you're gonna push the ketchup out of your butthole onto a pan of meatloaf, and then we're gonna serve it to your mother."

She just said, "Fuck you!", got all her shit and left.

"WHAT!?! YOU SAID I COULD DO WHATEVER I WANT!!!"

[|iR|Focalor]

1. Come on, just try it! Your sister does it all the time.

2. You do that better than your sister.

3. How could I with your sister? I could tell you, but it would be much easier to just show you the pictures I took.

[[BTF]Sigma]

A guy wakes up in a hospital bed after coming out of a coma. The Dr. attending flashes a penlight in his eyes and asks him how he's feeling. "I'm okay," the man responds.

The Dr. begins, "You were pretty banged up when you were brought in to the emergency ward. You have been in a coma for a week. There's a possibility you may have some brain damage so I'm going to start with a couple questions." The Dr. proceeds with the usual, "What year is this, how old are you?" before asking the man, "What do you remember last?"

The man furrows his brow as he struggles to remember and looks up at the Dr., "I remember being in an elevator and the most stunning woman came on with her biker boyfriend. She was wearing a really low cut, leather bandeau. She had the most amazing breasts I had ever seen. Her top might have well been a belt across those things. That top was tighter than your belt after Thanksgiving dinner, know what I mean. I was so transfixed on them. Like, I was full on staring, completely lost in her magnificent tits."

The Dr. asks, "Is there anything else you remember?"

"Yeah," the man replies, "She said, 'Press one, please.'"

[|iR|Focalor]

1. What's that stuff on your pussy? Is that herpes?

2. You should go on a diet.

3. My last girlfriend was much better at giving blowjobs than you are.

4. Do you ever think what your life would be like if you weren't such a bitch?