the life ruining effects of mental illness

[X'tyfe]

hey all

not everything i say on this forum, should be taken seriously... we joke, and we laugh and have fun.
this time however, id like to be serious. id like to share with people one of the biggest and worst decisions i had to make in my whole life

heres some background...

iv been living with major depression and general anxiety disorder for as long as i can remember
but really didnt start to feel the effects of it until about 2-3 years ago. i always felt fatigued and nauseous since these are the common symptoms, but i was able to live with it for this long without to much trouble.

i sought out treatment but i was given the finger each and every time. so all this time iv been untreated and iv done ok

but now, for the past 2 weeks, iv been feeling really sick. nausea, dizziness, and fever. at first i thought this was nothing, but after a while i started too wonder
after the first week, i realized that this was not the flu or some bug that i had. there was alot more to this. i kept getting better one day, and i felt even worse the next

basically iv now just hit a whole new level. its gotten worse now. and i know still that i wont get any treatment for it
just think how i feel about the fact that what im feeling now is permanent, and that i will feel it for the rest of my life

so here i am today, i had to decide on something that will change my life because of this now
i have just quit school and while that might not sound like much to some of the no life losers here, this is a big thing for me
i tried very very hard to finish due to all this, they even allowed me to take a year off to fix myself up (which didnt get me anywhere)
but in the end, they grew tired of me and started to give me shit, which made things worse

i will finish school one day, its still my goal. but i can not with the way i am
im going to focus on getting better now, i will not stop because some grossly rich doctors couldnt give a fuck

its ruined my life totally. i never made a single friend in school, that alone majorly fucked me up in the head
i cant get a job, i cant drive, and now i cant finish school. and while it may look like my life is over and that i dont have a future
i still have hope, this is not impossible

my computer is what had saved me all this time, i can get to the point where i can almost escape reality by playing games
or, doing the other computer related "hobby" that i will not name

the tastyspleen community has helped me, i consider you guys to be my closest friends, you have helped me more than you know

[lidz]

Here is my quick take...

Don't quit school, maybe take a small break, but the more things you pull your self away from - the harder it will be to get back in the groove of life.  Once isolated, you will become an island and find it harder to find life again.

There is help and you can get it.  It may take you multiple trips, to several doctors, but someone can help you.  You mention that you have major depression and anxiety disorder - are these diagnosed by a train doctor or just what you have labeled the issues?

Far too often people self diagnose themselves and forget that there is science behind these conditions.  Again, you need to keep trying to find a doctor that can help you and is willing to listen to you.  Either that being a family doctor or seeing a physiologist.

Life is far from over, you may never be the person you 'think' you should be or what others want, but in the end you determine your own fate.  It will take time, but one small step at a time is needed for you.  Get some medication for the anxiety and stay in school.

Everyone has varying levels of depression and pain, in many cases it comes down to the person it effects.  We are all the center of our own universe; it is how we deal with it all, which determines our own personal fate.

Good luck and try to limit your computer time.

[kren.Z]

I know your situation very well, living with mental illness is very very tough...the people you hurt closest to you, your family, your friends. I suffer from manic depression and paranoid schizophrenia, so i know how you feel when life gets a bit cumbersome. It's best, as you said, to just find a medium of expression to help with the troubled times, and in your case, it's video games and Tastyspleen...and we're all here for ya.


so what's the hobby you will not name?

[quadz]

There is help and you can get it.  It may take you multiple trips, to several doctors, but someone can help you.   [...] Again, you need to keep trying to find a doctor that can help you and is willing to listen to you.

I have a friend dealing with bipolar disorder, and she's emphasized that she had to try a number of different doctors before she found one whose diagnosis and prescriptions were actually helpful.

These days she seems pretty stable.. gets her meds checked/adjusted every six months or so...

so what's the hobby you will not name?

I'm going to guess it has something to do with boobies.

[[BTF]Sigma]

so what's the hobby you will not name?

I'm going to guess it has something to do with boobies.

Lol... or Erica. j/k


Hey, Xtyfe. I really have no info and am quite ignorant on the subject but I do hope you get where you need to go. Good to have you around.

[Svet[SIR]]

i have just quit school and while that might not sound like much to some of the no life losers here, this is a big thing for me

I hope this is one of those things that we should not take seriously. 

[X'tyfe]

Don't quit school, maybe take a small break, but the more things you pull your self away from - the harder it will be to get back in the groove of life.  Once isolated, you will become an island and find it harder to find life again.

i agree, and im not quitting anything. i like to think of it as using a pause button to stop the world
home has always been the best place i could be. its where i feel comfortable
but i will get out and get myself fixed up

There is help and you can get it.  It may take you multiple trips, to several doctors, but someone can help you.  You mention that you have major depression and anxiety disorder - are these diagnosed by a train doctor or just what you have labeled the issues?

Far too often people self diagnose themselves and forget that there is science behind these conditions.  Again, you need to keep trying to find a doctor that can help you and is willing to listen to you.  Either that being a family doctor or seeing a physiologist.

i have turned my back on all kinds of doctors, they have all failed me. i see them as nothing more the con artists
they get a big fucking fat check each time i see them, for not helping me at all

because these jack offs couldnt be bothered, i researched this all on my own
and what iv come up with is very accurate i think

Life is far from over, you may never be the person you 'think' you should be or what others want, but in the end you determine your own fate.  It will take time, but one small step at a time is needed for you.  Get some medication for the anxiety and stay in school.

indeed, i need to move forward. and i think this was the best thing to do
i was stuck in the past continuing with school. its been 2 years since i should have finished like everyone else my age

no one gives a shit about me, my parents believe what the doctors have said. that theres nothing wrong with me. i dont have any support from family or friends and so its made this much harder than it should be

so what's the hobby you will not name?

anime and thats all you get on that subject

I hope this is one of those things that we should not take seriously. 

hehe you got me, i try to bring some humor to this

[adrenal1ne]

.........................

[the Crazed]

Xtyfe,

Have you ever tried therapy?  A lot of people knock it but I found that it really helped me.  Mostly it depends on your attitude and whether or not you go into it understanding that they can't really do anything but help you work through your issues for yourself.  Despite your grim situation it sounds like you're not despairing... losing all hope is...  unimaginably painful and makes it so hard to get anywhere. 

The lady I saw was incredibly sweet and caring and really worked to help me view my situation in a different light.  It certainly wasn't anything I couldn't do by myself, but the fact remains I wasn't doing it by myself.

Either way, take your time... chill out... make some q2 maps, keep posting and communicating online and analyze what exactly makes you tick and what you think are realistic steps you can take to get to being happy and fulfilled.

Hope you're feeling better 

Crazed

[kren.Z]

Xtyfe, are you like that guy off superbad who draws cocks in his spare time?

[MyDocuments]

Hello all,

I work at a mental hospital, and have a lot of experience in what you are going through. . I always believed in mind over matter until I experienced depression myself. Then I realized how hard a battle it is. Bipolar is my #1 expertise. I can't fix it but I can read it like a book.

Xtyfe, nobody, no matter what they say to you is gonna get you out of this, you have to do it in your own mind, and your own mind may not let you, it works against you. I am still getting out of the depression after a couple of long years. Hang in there!

Just remember don't give up, never give up.

[ReCycled]

This doesn't sound like bi-polar because at least you have some good days, when you are in the "mania" phase. This sounds like your very common depressive illness. It also sounds clinical (vs situational). It produces a condition known as Anhedonia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anhedonia) which is the inability to experience pleasure in every day common events. A beautiful sunny day becomes meaningless. Everything appears rather grey and lifeless. Your head can feel like lead and vaguely ill most of the time. Been there, years ago.
I'm still a bit confused here that you're not hooked up to some kind of medical intervention. Any family doctor, hospital or walk-in clinic is very familiar with this stuff and will readily steer you towards help from a physician. Its very simple. I'm aware that nobody wants to be on a medication, but you've tried to tough it out and its not working. I think you should at least give that a chance since it will lift you up to a better level and you can assess your options more clearly, than you can now. Plus its a relief to actually start to have some 'good' days and have some of your natural enthusiasm for life come back. If you wish to then explore cognitive therapies, group therapy and such, than at least you can make an informed decision.
If your family doctor is not helpful, you can make an appointment at any hospital and they have trained staff who can check out your symptons and give you their feedback. It might be a lot better than you think.
 
     

[jägermonsta]

the tastyspleen community has helped me, i consider you guys to be my closest friends, you have helped me more than you know

sweet does that take me off the list of dirty Americans to kill?

*waits for the next school shooting*

cheer up Charley, it's only life. 

[X'tyfe]

Xtyfe,

Have you ever tried therapy?

believe me, iv been down this road already
and like iv said, they told me i was perfectly fine. i damn near punched the guys head in the last one i went too
no one will tell me that im faking this

Xtyfe, are you like that guy off superbad who draws cocks in his spare time?

lol? i think i can say that im not that messed up

Xtyfe, nobody, no matter what they say to you is gonna get you out of this, you have to do it in your own mind, and your own mind may not let you, it works against you. I am still getting out of the depression after a couple of long years. Hang in there!

Just remember don't give up, never give up.

i feel the same

This doesn't sound like bi-polar because at least you have some good days, when you are in the "mania" phase. This sounds like your very common depressive illness. It also sounds clinical (vs situational). It produces a condition known as Anhedonia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anhedonia) which is the inability to experience pleasure in every day common events. A beautiful sunny day becomes meaningless. Everything appears rather grey and lifeless. Your head can feel like lead and vaguely ill most of the time. Been there, years ago.

ya, thats pretty much it, though it is possible to feel "good" it only happens under very rare conditions

my dad has bi-poler though
i wouldnt be surprised if what i have is related genetically

I'm still a bit confused here that you're not hooked up to some kind of medical intervention. Any family doctor, hospital or walk-in clinic is very familiar with this stuff and will readily steer you towards help from a physician. Its very simple. I'm aware that nobody wants to be on a medication, but you've tried to tough it out and its not working.

i dont get it either, its also very confusing to me too
i went to a few doctors over the past years, and they told me "tough, live with it" sorta thing
i begged my parents to give a shit, but they didnt want to hear my "excuses" anymore

i want to get help, im willing to go on medication, anything to get me out of this
dont get me wrong

I think you should at least give that a chance since it will lift you up to a better level and you can assess your options more clearly, than you can now. Plus its a relief to actually start to have some 'good' days and have some of your natural enthusiasm for life come back. If you wish to then explore cognitive therapies, group therapy and such, than at least you can make an informed decision.

i have made my decision on my own here, due to the lack anything like that
it will start a never ending war with my parents, who think of me as nothing more than a failure... that i make excuses to sit at home all day and do nothing. and now giving up school for what they call "no reason at all"

If your family doctor is not helpful, you can make an appointment at any hospital and they have trained staff who can check out your symptons and give you their feedback. It might be a lot better than you think.

i was considering this, but im skeptical
im also thinking about joining some sort of group to get out and meet people
iv been alone all my life, i need to do something about it

[|iR|Focalor]

So far, looks like everyone has tossed in their two cents on this subject in support of psychiatric medicine, etc. Well, my own opinion falls on the OTHER side of that fence. Perhaps you can find some redeeming value in the perspective I have to offer.

I personally feel that many of the doctors in this field are not unlike religious figures in that they require everyone to consider themselves lacking in some way in order to sustain their position. In other words, if you don't think of yourself as a guilty vile sinner in need of divine intervention and salvation, then they can have no power over you and your money which keeps them in business. Similarly, I believe the psych profession is largely populated by those by willing to label the vast majority of people as "sick" in order to have more business. The pharmeceutical business is abso-fucking-lutely HUGE today. Look at how many prescription drug ads are on TV and in magazines. I'm not saying that ALL people on these psych-meds do not need them, but I think a large number do not require them. What they require is a little bit of will power coupled with rational self-interest.

Seems like a large number of kids are labelled as "ADHD". Personally, I feel that this condition is largely a hoax. Human beings, especially children, are easily conditioned to their environment. Check out any TV program these days. Images are seldom kept on the screen for longer than 2 seconds. All these commercials have fast flashy images with boisterous attitudes in order to attract your full attention. Seems to me that they describe ADHD the same way, "it's like have having a thousand TVs on in your head and trying to pay attention to only one." Seems to me like society and culture has in-effect created this mental malfunction through it's broadcasted regiment of conditioning. (I view this as something PLANNED in order to increase consumerism, but that's another rant for another time...) I was labelled ADHD as a kid. I long ago gave up the meds for it. I function just fine today. I piss upon the idea that there's ANYTHING wrong with me. If there's something wrong with me, I am the most capable person to deal with my problems. I have to live with ME, therefore I obviously CARE more than anyone else about my problems. Personally I think some of the people who view themselves as mentally deficient simply need a new perspective. Some self-empowerment and self discipline would do far more than any little pill with unpredictable long term side effects.