Author Topic: Christmas Thread ... (Read 12998 times)

X'tyfe · « **Reply #45 on:** December 22, 2007, 03:42:31 PM »

Politically correct xmas party

Quote

> > FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
> >
> > TO: All Employees
> >
> > DATE: October 01, 2007
> >
> > RE: Christmas Party
> >
> > I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on
> > December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill
> > House.
> >
> > There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band
> > playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along.
> >
> > And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up as Santa Claus!
> >
> > A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees
> > can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over
> > $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This
> > gathering is only for employees!
> >
> > Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
> >
> > Merry Christmas to you and your family.
> >
> > Patty
> >
> > ***** ****** ********** ******************************
> >
> > FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
> >
> > TO: All Employees
> >
> > DATE: October 02, 2007
> >
> > RE: Holiday Party
> >
> > In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
> >
> > We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides
> > with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on
> > we're calling it our 'Holiday Party.'
> >
> > The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or
> > those still celebrating Reconciliation Day.
> >
> > There will be no Christmas tree. No Christmas carols sung.
> >
> > We will have other types of music. Happy now?
> >
> > Happy Holidays to you and your family.
> >
> > Patty*****************************************************
> >
> >
> > FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
> >
> > TO: All Employees
> >
> > DATE: October 03, 2007
> >
> > RE: Holiday Party
> >
> > Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
> > requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to
> > accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, 'AA
> > Only'; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore.
> >
> > How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?
> >
> > Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the
> > union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe
> > $10.00 is a little chintzy. NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
> >
> > *****************************************************
> >
> >
> > FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
> >
> > To: All Employees
> >
> > RE: Holiday Party
> >
> > What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the
> > Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
> > daylight hours.
> >
> > There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this
> > time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the
> > Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party- or
> > else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy.
> > Will that work?
> >
> > Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from
> > The dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the
> > restrooms.
> >
> > Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with
> > Gay men, e ach will have their own tab le. Yes, there will be flower
> > arrangement for the Gay men's table.
> >
> > To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed
> > though.
> >
> > We will have booster seats for short people.
> >
> > Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
> >
> > We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with
> > high blood pressure to taste first.
> >
> > There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot
> > supply 'No Sugar' desserts. Sorry!
> >
> > Did I miss anything?!?!?
> >
> > Patty
> >
> >
> > ************************************************
> >
> > FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
> >
> > TO: All F****** Employees
> >
> > DATE: October 05, 2007
> >
> > RE: The F****** Holiday Party
> >
> > Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this
> > party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly
> > at the ta b le furthest from the 'grill of death,' as you so quaint ly put
> > it, and you'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But
> > you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've
> > heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a
> > rotten holiday!
> >
> > Drive drunk and die,
> >
> > The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!
> >
> > *********************************************
> >
> > FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
> >
> > DATE: October 06, 2007
> >
> > RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
> >
> > I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery
> > and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime,
> > management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the
> > afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
> >
> > Happy Holidays!
> >
> > Joan
> >
> >
> >