Author Topic: JOKES (Read 141244 times)

Sgt. Dick · « **Reply #316 on:** June 24, 2018, 05:44:54 AM »

- Smart man

quadz · « **Reply #317 on:** June 24, 2018, 11:34:40 AM »

|iR|Focalor · « **Reply #318 on:** June 24, 2018, 10:15:52 PM »

I'd say he's fucking pretty fucking retarded himself just for being a pastor, but he's only half as retarded as the other 17 retards sitting in front of him.

Sgt. Dick · « **Reply #319 on:** June 25, 2018, 07:26:30 PM »

I guess this is me -

|iR|Focalor · « **Reply #320 on:** June 29, 2018, 08:04:34 PM »

How do you make a gay fuck a woman?
Shit in her cunt.

|iR|Focalor · « **Reply #321 on:** August 18, 2018, 09:44:30 AM »

|iR|Focalor · « **Reply #322 on:** November 15, 2018, 12:15:51 PM »

|iR|Focalor · « **Reply #323 on:** October 07, 2019, 09:58:40 AM »

A farmer was selling his peaches door to door. He knocked on a door and a shapely 30-something woman dressed in a very sheer negligee answered the door. He raised his basket to show her the peaches and asked, "Would you like to buy some peaches?"
She pulled the top of the negligee to one side and asked, "Are they as firm as this?"
He nodded his head and said, “Yes ma’am,” and a little tear ran from his eye.
Then she pulled the other side of her negligee off asking, "Are they nice and pink like this?"
The farmer said, "Yes." and another tear came from the other eye.
Then she unbuttoned the bottom of her negligee and asked, "Are they as fuzzy as this?"
He again said, “Yes,” and broke down crying.
She asked, "Why on earth are you crying?"
Drying his eyes he replied, "The drought got my corn, the flood got my soybeans, a tornado leveled my barn, and now I think I’m gonna get fucked out of my peaches."

|iR|Focalor · « **Reply #324 on:** November 29, 2019, 12:50:07 AM »

What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys?

We'd eat pussy every Thanksgiving.

|iR|Focalor · « **Reply #325 on:** December 05, 2019, 02:39:39 AM »

She said, "I want a man to use 2 fingers and make me scream."

So I poked her in the eyes.

|iR|Focalor · « **Reply #326 on:** July 10, 2020, 05:03:44 PM »

Teacher: Billy, if there are 5 birds on a fence and you shoot 1, how many birds are left?

Billy: None, the others would fly away.

Teacher: The answer is 4, but I like the way you think.

Billy: I have a question for you Miss. There are 3 women eating ice cream. 1 licking, 1 biting, and 1 sucking. Which one is married?

Teacher nervously answers: The one sucking.

Billy: The answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like the way you think.

|iR|Focalor · « **Reply #327 on:** July 17, 2020, 01:11:29 AM »

"Hello? Is this the FBI?"

"Yes. What can I do for you?"

"I'm calling to report on my neighbor. He's in an motorcycle gang and he's hiding marijuana inside his firewood"

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, the FBI agents descended on the house. They searched the shed where the firewood was kept. Using axes, they busted open every piece of wood, but found no marijuana. They sneered at the biker as they left.

A few minutes later, the bikers phone rang. A voice on the other end said..."Hey, Brother. Did the FBI come?"

"Yeah, they sure did Brother!"

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Sure did."

"Happy Birthday BROTHER!"

|iR|Focalor · « **Reply #328 on:** November 28, 2020, 11:16:58 AM »

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he’s drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. Then the monkey jumps onto the pool table and swallows a billiard ball.

The bartender screams at the guy, “Your monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table — whole!”

“Sorry,” replied the guy. “He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I’ll pay for everything.”

The man finishes his drink, pays, and leaves.

Two weeks later, he’s in the bar with his pet monkey, again. He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar. The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out, and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did now?” he asks.

“Yeah,” replies the guy. “He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures stuff first.”

|iR|Focalor · « **Reply #329 on:** April 08, 2021, 07:03:14 PM »

So maybe you're familiar with this troll/meme... basically someone pisses someone off, and instead of getting genuinely mad about it, they post this pre-written text and troll the person into responding seriously...

Quote

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

A clever response to it, as seen on 4chan...

----------

What the say? Did you just say fuck me about? You bitching a little? I’ll have you graduate I know top of my Seals in the Navy Classes, and I’ve been raided in numerous Al Quaeda secret involvements, and I have killed over 300 confirmations. I am a trained gorilla. In warfare, I’m the sniper arm in the entire US force tops. You are targeting me but I’m just another nothing. I will fuck you with precision the wipes of which has never been liked before on this scene. Earth, fuck my marking words. You can get away with thinking that shit over me to the Internet? Fuck again, thinker. As we spy I am networking my secret speaking across the trace and your IP is being prepared right now so you better storm the maggots. The wipes that storms out of the pathetic little thing. You call your life? You’re fucking dead kids. I can be any time. I can weigh you in over seven hundred kills, and that’s my bear hands. Not only am I extensively accessed by trains, but I have no arms for combatting the entire arsenal United Stat
es, and I will use it to to wipe your miserable ass. You shit the faceoff of the continent. If only you could have commented what unholy cleverness your little “retribution” was about. To bring down upon you, maybe you would have fucked your tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re holding the pay, you goddamn idiot. I will drown in shit fury. Sincerely, Your dead fucking kiddo.

Author Topic: JOKES (Read 141244 times)

El Box de Shoutamente