A couple of poems for your dissection.

[[BTF]EyEsTrAiN]

Just a couple of poems of mine. Feel free to dissect them and give a little feedback. 

"Tip Toe"

Tip toe
You can't run there, overburdened sensibility fills your shoes
Tip toe
You can't walk here, under stimulated fortunes you carry
Tip toe
You can't drink there, over restless needs poison your booze
Tip toe
You can't sleep here, under medicated wants you must bury

Anything that you desire, swept up in a sea of relief
Anything that you desire, stolen by the thief
Anything that you desire, washed up on the shore
Anything that you desire, but what I ask is so much more

Tip toe
You can't fall down there, lying on your agony and disgrace
Tip toe
You can't sing over here, your voice echoing with disgust
Tip toe
You can't think right there, turning violence which you encase
Tip toe
You can't work over here, disjointing apathy stained red with rust

Anything that you want, tossed down for all to see
Anything that you want, unleashed and finally set free
Anything that you want, poured down in the rainfall
Anything that you want, just not anything at all

Tip toe
Tip toe
Tip toe

----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Can you hear it?"

Can you hear the voices, calling out to you
Calling out so softly, over, under, through
Telling you of all the things they would have you do
Leaving you with questions, because you don't know who
Would be calling to you

Can you hear them chatter, these voices of the blind
They sounded, oh, so nice at first, now they are unkind
Walking 'round your head at first, now they are inside
Place one foot in front while they will push you from behind
Astonishment divine

Can you hear the voices as they creep into your skin
What once was only one or two, expands to over ten
Hear them giggle at your fate, argue, fight, and win
All the voices, all at once, coming from within
Jabberwocky Army men

Can you feel them screaming now, wanting to commit
Hundreds, maybe thousands now, throwing such a fit
The mental ape house just went nuts, the apes are throwing shit
The voices cling and won't let go, right down into the pit
The time is now, this is it

All is strangely silent now, the voices have all ceased
The chattering has finally stopped, you can have some peace
You have tamed the nature of these nasty, screaming beasts
The mental houses are secure, all the streets are now policed
To say the least

 

[kren.Z]

[|iR|Focalor]

KrenZ: it's like something, but he's a pussy.

[[BTF]EyEsTrAiN]

Thanks for the constructive criticism.   

[Th0m@s29]

Cool lol.