Author Topic: Things you should NEVER say to a woman  (Read 1545 times)

Offline |iR|Focalor

  • Irrepressibly Profuse Member
  • *
  • Posts: 13151
  • OFFO
    • View Profile
    • Focalor's Lair @ Tastyspleen.net
  • Rated:
Things you should NEVER say to a woman
« on: November 08, 2014, 12:48:05 AM »
So I was fucking this chick and in the sweaty passionate heat of the moment she whispered to me, "I want you to do whatever you want."

So I got up, went to the kitchen, and came back 30 seconds later with a funnel and a bottle of ketchup. She said, "What the fuck!?!" I said, "I'm gonna stick the funnel in your butthole, squirt half the bottle of ketchup up there, then I'm gonna take the funnel out and you're gonna push the ketchup out of your butthole onto a pan of meatloaf, and then we're gonna serve it to your mother."

She just said, "Fuck you!", got all her shit and left.

"WHAT!?! YOU SAID I COULD DO WHATEVER I WANT!!!"
  • Insightful
    Informative
    Funny
    Nice Job / Good Work
    Rock On
    Flawless Logic
    Well-Reasoned Argument and/or Conclusion
    Demonstrates Exceptional Knowlege of the Game
    Appears Not to Comprehend Game Fundamentals
    Frag of the Week
    Frag Hall of Fame
    Jump of the Week
    Jump Hall of Fame
    Best Solution
    Wins The Internet
    Whoosh! You done missed the joke thar Cletus!
    Obvious Troll Is Obvious
    DO YOU EVEN LIFT?
    DEMO OR STFU
    Offtopic
    Flamebait
    Redundant
    Factually Challenged
    Preposterously Irrational Arguments
    Blindingly Obvious Logical Fallacies
    Absurd Misconstrual of Scientific Principles or Evidence
    Amazing Conspiracy Theory Bro
    Racist Ignoramus

Offline |iR|Focalor

  • Irrepressibly Profuse Member
  • *
  • Posts: 13151
  • OFFO
    • View Profile
    • Focalor's Lair @ Tastyspleen.net
  • Rated:
Re: Things you should NEVER say to a woman
« Reply #1 on: November 08, 2014, 12:57:02 AM »
1. Come on, just try it! Your sister does it all the time.

2. You do that better than your sister.

3. How could I with your sister? I could tell you, but it would be much easier to just show you the pictures I took.
  • Insightful
    Informative
    Funny
    Nice Job / Good Work
    Rock On
    Flawless Logic
    Well-Reasoned Argument and/or Conclusion
    Demonstrates Exceptional Knowlege of the Game
    Appears Not to Comprehend Game Fundamentals
    Frag of the Week
    Frag Hall of Fame
    Jump of the Week
    Jump Hall of Fame
    Best Solution
    Wins The Internet
    Whoosh! You done missed the joke thar Cletus!
    Obvious Troll Is Obvious
    DO YOU EVEN LIFT?
    DEMO OR STFU
    Offtopic
    Flamebait
    Redundant
    Factually Challenged
    Preposterously Irrational Arguments
    Blindingly Obvious Logical Fallacies
    Absurd Misconstrual of Scientific Principles or Evidence
    Amazing Conspiracy Theory Bro
    Racist Ignoramus

Offline [BTF]Sigma

  • Phenomenally Prodigious Member
  • **
  • Posts: 3059
    • View Profile
  • Rated:
Re: Things you should NEVER say to a woman
« Reply #2 on: November 08, 2014, 01:08:41 AM »
A guy wakes up in a hospital bed after coming out of a coma. The Dr. attending flashes a penlight in his eyes and asks him how he's feeling. "I'm okay," the man responds.

The Dr. begins, "You were pretty banged up when you were brought in to the emergency ward. You have been in a coma for a week. There's a possibility you may have some brain damage so I'm going to start with a couple questions." The Dr. proceeds with the usual, "What year is this, how old are you?" before asking the man, "What do you remember last?"

The man furrows his brow as he struggles to remember and looks up at the Dr., "I remember being in an elevator and the most stunning woman came on with her biker boyfriend. She was wearing a really low cut, leather bandeau. She had the most amazing breasts I had ever seen. Her top might have well been a belt across those things. That top was tighter than your belt after Thanksgiving dinner, know what I mean. I was so transfixed on them. Like, I was full on staring, completely lost in her magnificent tits."

The Dr. asks, "Is there anything else you remember?"

"Yeah," the man replies, "She said, 'Press one, please.'"
  • Insightful
    Informative
    Funny
    Nice Job / Good Work
    Rock On
    Flawless Logic
    Well-Reasoned Argument and/or Conclusion
    Demonstrates Exceptional Knowlege of the Game
    Appears Not to Comprehend Game Fundamentals
    Frag of the Week
    Frag Hall of Fame
    Jump of the Week
    Jump Hall of Fame
    Best Solution
    Wins The Internet
    Whoosh! You done missed the joke thar Cletus!
    Obvious Troll Is Obvious
    DO YOU EVEN LIFT?
    DEMO OR STFU
    Offtopic
    Flamebait
    Redundant
    Factually Challenged
    Preposterously Irrational Arguments
    Blindingly Obvious Logical Fallacies
    Absurd Misconstrual of Scientific Principles or Evidence
    Amazing Conspiracy Theory Bro
    Racist Ignoramus

Offline |iR|Focalor

  • Irrepressibly Profuse Member
  • *
  • Posts: 13151
  • OFFO
    • View Profile
    • Focalor's Lair @ Tastyspleen.net
  • Rated:
Re: Things you should NEVER say to a woman
« Reply #3 on: December 06, 2014, 01:49:41 PM »
1. What's that stuff on your pussy? Is that herpes?

2. You should go on a diet.

3. My last girlfriend was much better at giving blowjobs than you are.

4. Do you ever think what your life would be like if you weren't such a bitch?
  • Insightful
    Informative
    Funny
    Nice Job / Good Work
    Rock On
    Flawless Logic
    Well-Reasoned Argument and/or Conclusion
    Demonstrates Exceptional Knowlege of the Game
    Appears Not to Comprehend Game Fundamentals
    Frag of the Week
    Frag Hall of Fame
    Jump of the Week
    Jump Hall of Fame
    Best Solution
    Wins The Internet
    Whoosh! You done missed the joke thar Cletus!
    Obvious Troll Is Obvious
    DO YOU EVEN LIFT?
    DEMO OR STFU
    Offtopic
    Flamebait
    Redundant
    Factually Challenged
    Preposterously Irrational Arguments
    Blindingly Obvious Logical Fallacies
    Absurd Misconstrual of Scientific Principles or Evidence
    Amazing Conspiracy Theory Bro
    Racist Ignoramus

 

El Box de Shoutamente

Last 10 Shouts:

 

quadz

September 15, 2019, 01:18:02 PM
fun retrospective (nightmare)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whizTpYtWxA

Uberphawx

September 15, 2019, 05:33:58 AM
Yeah, prophylactics are always an option, specially when you are doing it with something you think it has something "stormy" inside...
Stay safe folks...
 

ImperiusDamian

September 14, 2019, 02:09:14 PM
Well, obviously one has to use protection when fucking any kind of tropical weather system.
 

|iR|Focalor

September 14, 2019, 09:56:57 AM
If a hurricane blows your house down, call STD Contractors.

Uberphawx

September 14, 2019, 04:29:27 AM
You should use a condom first...
If it has hepatitis or gonorrhea or some kind of tropical STD then you may want to be safe first...
 

ImperiusDamian

September 13, 2019, 05:08:30 PM
fuck hurricanes up the ass. >:(

Uberphawx

September 13, 2019, 10:39:21 AM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SgF42jlEEIs
Best video in the internet...
Don't pay attention to the title and take a listen..

RyU

September 12, 2019, 02:34:48 AM
pm me

playboy

September 11, 2019, 06:44:00 PM
mr. eastcoast up in this bitch

Unh0ly-rwz-

September 11, 2019, 04:30:46 PM
UPDATE! EVERYTHING WORKS NOW CLICK VVVV DOWN? THERE FOR LINK

http://forum.tastyspleen.net/quake/index.php?topic=22977.msg225448;topicseen#new

Show 50 latest
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
September 17, 2019, 09:04:09 PM

Login with username, password and session length